Hook(er) Up - A Clexa Fic

Chapter 26- Stroke

Sometimes you feel like you've lived long enough in this world to experience every emotion. But all it takes is one second to learn just how little you previously thought you knew. Sometimes all it takes is one second to realize so many new emotions. So many new levels of anxiety and stress, confusion and pain, denial and-

Denial.

That's all she could really process.

For a moment, the whole world seemed frozen. Everyone and everything was blurred and all she could hear was a high-pitched ringing. All she could focus on was the tPA going into Lexa.

Every inch of her was stuck on the fact that this could not be happening. That the person before her wasn't Lexa. That she wasn't reliving her mother's worst nightmare. That she wasn't reliving her dad's death.  That she wasn't in her mother's shoes, just watching someone she lo- someone she cared for, dying in front of her without being able to help.

No. 

No. Not now. This wasn't the time. She could help. She wasn't her mom and this wasn't her dad.  It wasn't too late. Not yet.

Clarke neglected the shaking of her hands and stillness in her chest and tried to shake herself back into reality, focusing on what Dr. Lincoln was worriedly asking the lady. The lady she now identified as Anya Woods.

"Do you know any reasons this could have happened? Was it out of a sudden or-"

"It's a stressed-induced stroke," Clarke spoke her thoughts out loud without realizing before it was too late.

"Huh?" Dr. Lincoln turned to look at her.

Oh no. She just revealed she knew Lexa. She was going to end up just like her mother. She was going to be forced to leave the room if she lacked professional objectivity. No. She had to make something up.

"She's- uh- the CEO of Polis inc. It's only reasonable that there would be stress as an, or the underlying problem."

Dr. Lincoln turned to Anya with a questioning glance which asked for confirmation or denial of the fact.

"It's true. She's always overworked herself, but she's been awful this past month." Lexa's sister paused gulping before she continued, "I think I might have caused her panic attack when I yelled at her today-"

Suddenly Clarke wished she heard Raven's full story.

"Taking in her medical history, chances are that this is an ischemic stroke. Ms. Griffin-"

"MRI?"

"Yes."

____________________________________________

Clarke stared at the monitor for the duration of the whole 20-minute scan. She couldn't pull herself to look at Lexa or the machine. She tried paying attention to the doctor, but all the things he was saying were stuff she already noted.

There was minor clotting in multiple areas reduced by the tPA, but there was still an accumulation of plaque in the carotid arteries. The clot was the main cause of prevention in oxygen flow to the brain. It was definitely best for a carotid endarterectomy- which the Dr. already seemed to be planning.

Clarke bit on her tongue trying not to think about her dad's unsuccessful surgery.

Maybe she couldn't handle this. Maybe she wasn't ready. What if she screwed up? It would be worse than it was for her mom. She would be entirely to blame and would never forgive herself.

No. This was different. Her dad already had several other health complications.

...

Was it different?

"Ms. Griffin?" Clarke felt a hand touch her shoulder.

"Hm?"

"You will be assisting Dr. Niko and during the procedure, okay?"

Clarke looked over to his side, seeing the doctor standing and observing the other monitor, waiting to take Lexa out of the machine. He was a vascular surgeon- definitely best for the job- but having almost always worked directly with Dr. Lincoln, Clarke couldn't help but feel nervous working beside a new doctor. One she didn't know yet. Didn't know how good he was. How he reacted or acted. Didn't feel comfortable around. Not yet.

"Are you going to be there too?" she asked, almost sheepishly.

"Only when I'm needed."

That was never for too long.

"Oh- okay."

The doctor could probably tell how nervous she was because immediately after, he added, "And to check on you, of course."

____________________________________________

The constant beeping at her side was never more pressuring. The sheer thought of it stopping was enough to make Clarke faint. All the tools covered in blood taunted her uneasiness even more. It was an open room, covered with those fluorescent tube-lights that emitted so much light they only made the room feel even more like an endless void. Like the white light that you see right before passing out. Or dying.

Being so close to Lexa was never so awful. It was never something she had to worry about, let alone worry about her being hurt- or hurting her. 

Seeing the blood covering Lexa's neck by the insitions was enough to make Clarke gag. She wasn't grossed out or jittery- if that was ever the case, she would've never been a medical student to start. It was just stomach-churning to see all of Lexa's veins and arteries out in the open, covered in blood, right next to her pretty face. Even if it was covered right now.

She knew it didn't hurt. She was numbed. If it hurt, Lexa would be reacting.

But she couldn't get her mind off the thought.

She couldn't help but fear for the worst.

...

"Griffin, the blood is pooling into other tissue."

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Authors Note:

I know I keep leaving you on cliffhangers. Just bear with me guys <3