Hook(er) Up - A Clexa Fic

Chapter 10- "Caelum"

The smile on Clarke's face seemed to be less prominent than usual. Madi sensed it. The girl would still light up whenever talking to her, but she was often caught in a daze when not socializing. What could be on her mind? She passed her test with flying colors and came home earlier meaning she didn't have too much work. What could possibly be bothering her?

"Clarke."

"Huh- oh what is it Madi?"

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean what's wrong? Why would there be anything wrong?"

"I don't know... You seem bothered by something. What happened?"

Clarke gave the girl a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, everything's fine Madi. I'm just thinking that's all."

"You sure must be focused on something if you've been thinking about it for the past two weeks or so..."

"Well- no." Clarke cleared her throat."You're right. I shouldn't be thinking about anything that stupid anyways."

She poured herself and Madi some tea before taking out a board game.

"You know Clarke, you can talk to me about it... If it's work I can just-"

"No Madi, it's not, relax. I just got my hopes up about something dumb, that's it."

"... Oh so it's Lexa."

Caught off guard Clarke's cheeks flushed as she emmidetly defended herself. "What!? No! Well- No! I- she's just- I'm just disappointed-"

"You like her and she hasn't reached out to you." Madi pulled the words right out of Clarke's throat.

"No I don't!"

"Clarke I'm not ten you know? It's pretty obvious you liked going to see her."

"Well- yes- I mean, she's hot of course I enjoyed-" She stopped herself from finishing her sentence. "Listen Madi, finding someone-" she paused, blood rushing to her face "attractive... is not the same as liking someone."

A moment passed as Madi simply gave Clarke a knowing look as the blond struggled to form the words coming out of her mouth.

Clarke took a second to breathe and calm herself before continuing. "Yes she hasn't texted me in a while and I'm disappointed because yes, it was fun... But it's just mildly upsetting that a good thing came to an end, nothing more."

Madi looked at Clarke with a dissatisfied face. "Right. Because you never shut up about her just because she's fun."

"Madi!!"

"What?! You know I'm right."

"No! Absolutely not! You know I don't care enough to invest in people ever since Finn-" Her voice got weaker towards the end of the sentence as the girl remembered her ex.

"... I'm sorry." Madi whispered as the topic shifted to a more sensitive, untreated territory.

"Huh? What do you mean? Sorry for what baby?"

"I know I'm the reason he left."

Clarke felt her heart clench hearing those words come out of her "daughters" mouth. She felt awful letting Madi feel guilty for something that wasn't at all her fault. She felt awful that she still cared about Finn enough for the mentioning of his name to take a toll on her. Because she knew Madi was more important. That he was an asshole. That Madi was all that mattered, and that she did nothing wrong.

The blonde wrapped her arms around the girl in a strong embrace. "Don't you ever say that." She felt a tear begging to escape out of her eye. "You didn't do anything. He's a jerk. And I'm glad you helped me see that before it was too late."

Still holding on tight, she gave the girl a small kiss on the cheek as a tear rolled down her face. "Because I love you way more than I could've ever cared for him. I'll always love you the most. Don't ever forget that Madi-bear."

Madi hugged her back before sitting upright. "I know." And she did. Because even though she wasn't her real mom Clarke always cared for her like one. It's why Madi loved her. "I love you too Clarke."

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As another week passed, Lexa's apartment began to fill up with all sorts of scented candles, all marketed for "relieving stress" or "southing the mind". They smelled nice, but they sure didn't work.

The thing is, Lexa knew very well that they would do nothing, that it's all false advertising to steal her money right from her pockets- yet she still bought then in some false hope of finding an inner peace.

It was bullshit. It was all bullshit. But Lexa lit them up anyway.

And of course they did nothing (other than make the apartment smell nice). Because how in hell would a stupid candle solve her sleep deprivation, growing pains from the stiffness in her back, stress of work and fear of disappointment? How the hell would a candle fix her fights with her sister, or help her manage her job and a social life?

She sighed and reached into her tote bag, pulling out another candle to light up the dim room instead of turning on the lights.

"Caelum" - Latin for sky.

'Candles always had the weirdest names' Lexa thought to herself.

She picked it up and lit it, placing it in front of herself. And for a while she just stared into it. breathed in the aroma. Watched the flame dance. Felt the heat crawl up her fingertips hovering over the fire. How peaceful and calm it seemed from the outside... Yet can so easily become a dangerous mess if it wasn't managed- if it were to tip over...

It felt all to familiar. A lonely flame, made to look pretty and nothing more.

Lexa's thoughts drifted further, regrets lurching up on her one after another, questions she would never know the answer to, problems she knew not how to fix- but her impatience tore her away from her trance.

'It's just a fucking candle Lexa. You're having a existential crisis to a fucking candle.'

She picked it up and blew out the flame, turning to turn on proper lights. Coming back to hide away all her waxed purchases, she stared at the light blue colored candle once again. "Sky".

What a gorgeous color of blue. The only reason Lexa actually bought that candle. It was just so alluring- so familiar, like...

Like cloud nine, or a shining diamond. Like a gorgeous field of blue orchids. Like sparkling ocean blue eyes. Like a sweet, comforting smile. Like rosy cheeks. Like soft, light blond hair-

...

Fuck.

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Authors note:
Did I really just make a chapter basically dedicated to Lexa's candle obsession? Yes. Yes I did.