Hook(er) Up - A Clexa Fic

Chapter 45- She wasn't

All these dates definitely messed with her schedule. It didn't even seem like a lot, but the constant leaving work early- or really, earlier than her usual late departure- put quite a dent in her work. She was three days behind already. Three days, meaning three days behind her usual three days ahead, but three days regardless.

Deep down, she knew she was obsessive and that, in reality, she was still very much on track with all her work, but what started as an innocent plan to account for sick days had very much become her new normal. Now, whenever she wasn't ahead of the actual schedule, it felt like she was behind. Extremely behind.

It started with staying an hour late for a week, just so that she could get an extra day's worth before her doctor's appointment the next week.

Then, she realized she rarely planned for off days.

So, instead of one extra hour, it became two. 

Two turned into three. 

Three became four.

And it just kept going. Slowly progressing until she couldn't really pinpoint when the next extreme started because it no longer felt like an extreme.

It just felt like a necessity. That she needed to plan for any mishaps, whether it would be just a sick day or something as extreme as her stroke. It started as a way to make some room for extra sleep, and now it became shaving off sleep for extra work.

She knew it.

Deep down, she knew it.

But the idea of not planning ahead- of not having a "just in case"- the fear of being anywhere close to behind overpowered any thought against it.

And she hated knowing how obsessive she was. 

But it was her safe space. It was her control- the only thing she felt like she had control over, power over. The routine in her life that kept everything grounded.

And she knew she had to find a way around it if she was actually going to end up dating Clarke but for now, it was a problem for another day. At least the slim chance of seeing Clarke at the cafe made her take an actual lunch break sometimes.

Which- she looked at the clock- it was actually time for.

...

Lexa looked at the stacks of folders flooding the open drawer, taunting her. She stared at her screen, filled with even more files and notifications. 

She didn't have time for a break.

The pen in her hand impatiently tapped against the desk.

'The work wasn't going anywhere. Right?'

Her tapping increased.

'I could just take a break now and leave a little later.'

She didn't know who she was talking to in her head.

'No. What's the chance Clarke would be there anyway. And if she was, It would just mean I'd waste even more time.'

She tried to focus back on the jumbled mess in front of her.

...

Her stomach grumbled.

'Alright. Fuck it. Fine.'

...

...

Clarke was, in fact, not there. Which, despite the sigh of disappointment, Lexa was grateful for. Maybe she looked forward to these pointless things a little too much.