Hook(er) Up - A Clexa Fic

Chapter 34- Who

"So um... Maddi's your... kid?"

Lexa immediately regretted the words coming out of her mouth. 

She shouldn't have asked. She didn't want to know. She wasn't ready to know. Even though it was obvious, she didn't want to hear yes. She didn't want her fears validated. She wanted to, at least, pretend that there was still some hope. That she wasn't just obsessing over someone already in a happy relationship.

...

Having a kid didn't mean she had to be in a relationship, right? She could've just wanted a kid. People can want kids without searching for a partner first, right? That was certainly not the usual, but it wasn't completely out of the ordinary... right?

'Lexa, stop trying to get your hopes up for no reason. No matter what, if Clarke had the time to have and care for a child, she definitely had her life sorted out. Unlike you.'

...Was Maddi even biologically hers?

There was no way- with that age difference- that Clarke actually gave birth to her, right? Did that mean Maddi was adopted?! That's an even bigger decision! No sane person would invest in the whole- expensive- adoption process without being in a comfortable, healthy place in their own life! At such a young age too!? She had to be in a stable relationship- or at least not looking for anyone to start?!

But if she was living comfortably and securely enough to have a child- for... how many years??- why did she ever do hookups? Was it just for pleasure? That seemed rather unreasonable...

The more she thought about it, the less she knew. Nothing made sense. She knew barely anything about Clarke's life. She didn't understand where Maddi came to play in all of this. She didn't know why Clarke would ever consider being a hooker, or how she ended up so intertwined in her life. She didn't know what was Clarke's opinion of her. Or her availability. Or her job. Or her hobbies. Her sexuality. Her- whatever the past few years- meant or were to her.

Oh God, what did she get herself into? How did she not even know WHO Clarke liked, and yet questioned if she- by some holy chance- liked her???

She knew nothing.

She knew nothing other than the fact that Clarke was perfect.

...

"Oh, um yeah." The sound of a gentle voice tore her from her internal anxious ruckus. "I guess... she really only calls me by my name, so I don't know if that's the way she sees it, but um..." The girl's voice became rather unsure and wavering as she seemed to focus more and more on shakily stirring her teaspoon in her tea.

Panic rushed through Lexa's spine. Did she go too far? Was that too personal? How did she already screw up!? "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to.!"

Clarke only masked- some sort of confusing to read emotions- behind a shy smile and clenched onto her cup. She stared in the distance for a while before taking a deep breath. "... No. It's okay. She's... she's my baby. And I love her more than anything."

What did that mean? Why did she seem so on edge talking about Maddi? What should she say? She shouldn't pry more if it clearly made her uncomfortable to think about, right?

"I'm really sorry- I was just interested- I didn't mean to push you if that was too personal. She seems really nice. I mean, of course, she does, considering she hangs out with Aden- I um, I guess I'm biased. But it's just, she's really pretty- and so are you- and she looks like you a bit, ya know, blue eyes and everything, but if she's fifteen, um- well I guess you answered that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude- I didn't think... I don't really know anything... I- I- I'm rambling aren't I?"