Hook(er) Up - A Clexa Fic

Chapter 53- Close

Lexa's eyes fluttered open as a yawn escaped her mouth. 'Huh,' she must've also fallen asleep while holding Clarke.

She let her eyes focus in the dim light, noticing the girl that had been sleeping against her was now observing her from the corner of the couch, scribbling on some paper laying against her knees. She seemed calmer now, no longer crying, only holding a longing and aporetic expression- or at least that's what Lexa could tell in the dark. 

"And I thought I was a light sleeper." 

Blue eyes widened, looking away from the scribbled paper. "Lexa," Clarke spoke in a half-whisper, " sorry- I didn't mean to wake you."

She smiled gently, climbing her way into a sitting position. "Clearly, you didn't." She shuffled closer to the girl, now seeing that Clarke was actually drawing her. "Wow, it's-"

"It's not finished." the girl said timidly, covering the page.

"I was gonna go with 'gorgeous' but sure."

Clarke smirked slightly, nodding her head towards her, "'Cause, it's you."

She hid her blush with a chuckle. "Well, someone's feeling better."

Lexa got no response. Just two eyes looking away.

"I'm sorry, that was too fast. I shouldn't have. Especially not after- I'm sorry."

"No... it's okay." Clarke faked a smile. "You're not wrong, I just...." Blue eyes stared back at Lexa while Clarke struggled to finish her sentence. She tried to smile, but her face held only denial, lips beginning to quiver all over again. "God, I'm so selfish," she whispered.

"Clarke, no you're not. Why would you think that?"

A small whimper came from the girl. "God- I just- fuck- you- I-" Her eyes began to water again.

"Hey, hey, Clarke. You know you can talk to me, right?" Lexa reached her hand out, brushing through Clarke's hair. 'Or fuck me.' Her brain couldn't help but jump onto the arrangement of Clarke's words.

Tears rolled down her face, this time while she was still keeping more rhythmic breathing, despite her weak voice. "...You're not supposed to stay. ...I'm not supposed to let you stay." Her voice halted as she choked on her breath. "But God, you're- you're just so fucking-" Another whine, followed by more tears.

"Clarke..." Lexa picked up Clarke's hand in her own, kissing it and resting her lips there, eyes studying the angel in front of her. For something to be bothering Clarke enough that she'd cry about it twice- even after a nap- it had to be important. It had to be bad. And it had to be personal. Not knowing what it was- or really, how much and what her ex had done to her was driving her insane with worry. Because, of course, she wasn't the best candidate for dating, but Clarke's worries clearly came from something else. From her past, or present. Him. 

But what could she do if she didn't know what was wrong? If asking Clarke was too invasive? If Clarke felt unsure or unsafe speaking to her? Of course, she'd do everything to protect her and she'd make sure Clarke knew that, but as much as it scared her not knowing what she could- should- do for Clarke, forcing an explanation out of her was the worst possible thing to do.

"I don't know what you want me to do, Clarke." She kissed her hand once more, not breaking eye contact. "Tell me what you need. ...I know it's a lot for you. But I'm here. For anything."

"I'm sorry."

"Clarke, whatever you want, I'll do. I promise. But you have to promise me to stop apologizing for no reason."

"But there is a reason!"

"Then why are you apologizing."

"Because I'm- I'm making you stay. He's going to- I'm- hurting you."