Hook(er) Up - A Clexa Fic

Chapter 54- Enough

Tw: mentions abuse, harassment, and rape.

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Her heart raced as she felt Lexa pick her up into her arms like a cradled baby. When Lexa said "let me take you to bed" she really didn't think she meant she'd literally carry her. Part of her was absolutely embarrassed that she had to be taken care of like a child with her relentless crying and inability to communicate- relying on Lexa to hold her so she could do anything but have a panic attack. The other part of her was totally turned on by the fact that Lexa was carrying her as if she only weighed ten pounds.

Gentle hands slowly loosened their grasp, letting her go in replace for soft, cold covers as they trailed along her sides, all the way to hold her hands.

Glowing emerald eyes looked at her, tentative and caring. "Clarke..." Lexa whispered, continuing to rub her thumbs against her knuckles, "...are you sure?"

It was the second time she'd asked.

'Are you sure?' It echoed through her soul. What she was asking. What she was asking of Lexa. What she was asking of herself. Having to admit the past. How it's affected her. That she's not as strong as she pretends. Admitting that part of her life. That part of herself. And having to relive it. Share it. Praying that she'd have grown. That she wouldn't let it get to her- let him get to her. That she wasn't as weak. That Lexa wouldn't change her view on her. See her as weak.

The weak she really was, relying on Lexa's touch to feel a shell of security.

'Are you sure?' 

The need for reassurance only proved her weakness. 

'Are you sure?'

But it felt so delicate and safe to live in. That Lexa actually cared. That she really cared. That she was giving her a choice. That it was about her.

'Are you sure?'

Yes. She nodded.

"Okay." Lexa mouthed, guiding her to lay down, staying just close enough to remind her she was there but keeping enough distance to let Clarke decide what was comfortable. "I want you to start, okay?" She reached out, guiding her hands to the collar of her shirt. "Whenever you're ready."

...

'God,' she didn't know how much she needed the reassurance.

Hands fumbled with the buttons of Lexa's shirt until it finally laid rested open on her shoulders, showing a sculpted stomach and casual, black bra, perfectly fitted against her chest. She couldn't help but stare at the sight she'd missed out on the past couple of months, yet, while she let her eyes explore and forget, Lexa never let her sight off her face, patiently waiting and watching for any signs of regret.

"I'm going to take it off, okay?" The girl slowly pulled herself away, taking the shirt completely off before letting herself fall back within Clarke's grasp.

It was like she knew exactly what she was thinking. She was nothing like Finn.

'Finn.' 

'Finn.'

'Fuck. Finn.' She almost forgot about Finn. 'Shit.' He was going to hurt her. He was going to take her away from her. She felt her heart speed up in a panic. Because Lexa didn't know what he-

Soft lips gently kissed her own, leaving a warm feeling against her skin.

'Fuck.' That's what she needed right now. Just that.

She cupped Lexa's face and pulled her in for another kiss. Gentle. Slow. Soft.

Then again. And again. Just enough to feel her close. Feel her here.