Hook(er) Up - A Clexa Fic

Chapter 47- Party

"By the way, I told Raven you're coming with me, so be ready at five. I'll pick you up."

"Ready? For what? What are you talking about?"

"The barbeque party. Raven said Clarke invited you."

"What? Clarke didn't-" Lexa opened her phone to check her recent messages after the few days of deliberately neglecting it. It was just so she could focus on her work- she swore to herself- but seeing quite a few notifications from 'Clarke' undoubtedly gave her a guilted sour feeling. "Shit."

So maybe Clarke did send her an invitation. Maybe she did miss it. Maybe it was a tiny bit on purpose.

She scrolled past the countless 'heys' lighting her phone screen, stopping at the most recent text sent only a day ago.

Hey, ik ur probably busy but Raven and I are planning a barbeque party and it'd be fun if u came!
A few of my friends are going to be there- I think Anya already met most of them- they'd love to meet you.
Or we can totally ditch ;)
Up to you!

A wave of shame rushed through her.

Because at the end of the day, she still willingly ignored all of Clarke's messages instead of being the better person. Instead of just being upfront and actually dealing with her problems. Not running away from them like a child.

But how do you confront someone about that? She couldn't just say, 'Hey, I've listened to one of your conversations without you knowing- are you actually bi? Are you using me?'. That would be layers of awful. Not only would it be so easy to lie about, but it sounded so wrong if Clarke wasn't actually doing anything. She'd hate her. She'd hate her for being a creep.

She wasn't a creep. It wasn't on purpose. It was coincidental. But why would anyone believe that?

...

Saying nothing seemed just as guilty.

Avoiding her seemed just as bad.

Everything was a bad option.

...

She wasn't running. She just wasn't ready.

...

But suddenly she didn't have a choice.

...

...

She didn't want to leave work. Not because she wasn't done but because she dreaded what was to come.

Her stomach churned.

God, she was awful. Clarke had been nothing but nice to her this whole time and here she was thinking about every wrong thing she could do to her. It didn't have to be true. It could've been unfortunate timing. She didn't have to act so foolishly. She didn't have to hold such fear and hatred within herself.

Of course, other people have used her for her money in the past. That was bound to happen. 

It didn't mean she had to have such a negative outlook on everyone else. Good people existed. Clearly, it wasn't that hard to turn away from the past and treat people fairly; her sister was so good at that.