Hook(er) Up - A Clexa Fic

Chapter 66- Serenity

It did not stop snowing.

Which was horrible considering they were still mid-hike and had no easy escape to shelter. Which meant that all their clothes would be soggy and cold. Which meant they were going to freeze. Which meant Lexa would surely hate her after today.

"We should probably pick up the pace, huh?"

She felt the cold start to reach her toes. "Yeah. Again, I'm really sorry."

"Hey, Clarke." She felt a hand holding her own, causing her to stop. "You don't need to keep apologizing. Really."

It was embarrassing. All she's been doing the whole time they've been walking was apologizing. It was sad. Awkward. But she couldn't help it. It's like God had a vendetta against her and was trying to mess everything up for her.

Which wasn't true. 

It was her fault. She's the one who suggested going here for a 'make-up' date- if this even was a date. It was her fault for not checking the weather. For not preparing better clothes. For not telling Lexa where they were going- even though, clearly, she was more prepared than her. And it was her fault that this date- this- this today was even a thing, to begin with.

And it was just so awkward. Because she didn't know what was allowed anymore. Because she didn't know what this was. 

It was supposed to be a date. But was it? What were they? What was she to Lexa? What did she think of her? Lexa was just always too mannered and kind to know!

She settled for an "I know."

... Or not.

"I just- It's my fault that we're here." Clarke searched for more words, something better than 'I'm sorry'. Something that would actually be helpful. Something that was really hard to say.

"It's not on you, you can't control the weather."

"No- well, yes but- I should've checked. I should've thought things through. ... Should've thought... everything through."

Lexa stayed quiet for a moment as if processing the deeper meaning behind her words. "You can't blame yourself for everything, Clarke."

"No. It's- Now this just feels awkward."

"... Oh." She forced her hands deeper into her pockets. "I'm sorry."

Which immediately caused a state of panic in Clarke. "No! No! You didn't do anything! That's not what I meant!" She wanted to reach for her hand. "I just really wish I hadn't let you go in the first place." Geez, that was hard to say out loud. "Now I don't know what I'm even allowed to say or do. And your really sweet as always but I just feel guilty..."

"You're allowed anything. I'm not mad at you."

"But you should be!"

"No. I expected it- well maybe not specifically that- but I expected you to be pissed when I lied to you."

"Exactly." She stared off for a moment. "I'm that bad."

"No, you're not. You're a good mom." Lexa continued to herself in a hushed voice, "I like that about you."

"That doesn't mean I had to hurt you!"

The girl shrugged. "Sometimes it does."

"No-"

"Clarke. I'm glad it happened. I needed that time and space to reflect."

"You're just saying that."

"No. It made me realize what's important."

"Hm?" Clarke gave her an unbelieving look.

Lexa smiled. "You."