Hook(er) Up - A Clexa Fic

Chapter 62- Go

'Fuck.' 

She was crying. She was crying again. Why couldn't she stop crying?

'Fuck.'

Madi was coming. She's still crying. 'Stop crying.'

'Fuck.'

She saw her crying.

'You're such a mess.' This was so embarrassing. She was such a mess. Couldn't get her shit together for one moment and talk to her daughter normally. Couldn't apologize and comfort her. Instead, she had to be comforted.

Gentle hands reached for her back as Madi finally spoke to her in a hushed voice. "Hey, Clarke, are you okay?"

She couldn't bear to look at her. Finally, Madi spoke to her, and it had to be because she was crying. She couldn't do anything right. Clarke let her head fall in embarrassment, covering it with her hands. "I'm okay," was all she could mutter. All she could lie.

Silence.

She could hear Madi breathing. Gulping.

"I'm- I'm sorry."

'Fuck. No. It wasn't her fault. She shouldn't be apologizing. You should.'

Clarke shook her head, wiping the water off her cheeks. If she was going to cry, it was going to be another time. She is not going to guilt Madi into thinking she did anything wrong. It was Lexa. It was- 'No.' She dismissed the thought. 'Enough about Lexa.' It was her fault for trusting her to begin with. And it didn't make sense. None of it did and it hurt. It hurt like hell. But it wasn't the time for it. Not now.

"No, I'm sorry," she sniffled, "I shouldn't have yelled at you." Clarke straightened her back and turned to Madi. "And now I'm crying instead of trying to make it up to you." She forced a sad chuckle before looking off in shame. "Didn't even make you dinner when I promised."

Madi shook her head. "It's... fine. There are still leftovers." She was breathing hard. Biting her cheek and avoiding eye contact. It wasn't hard to tell Madi was uncomfortable.

But "I'm sorry" was all Clarke could come up with. "I'm sorry. I'm such a bad mom."

It made Madi even more uncomfortable. Stiffer. 'Shit. Great going, now you're guilt-tripping her into thinking she has to accept your apology.'

"That's not-" The girl played with her hands nervously, eyes growing glossy. "I'm..." She shook her head.

What was wrong? Why was she so closed off? What had she been doing wrong this long? 

She needed to fix this. For her Madi.

"Madi," Clarke grabbed her hand. "Madi, what's wrong? I know you're mad at me but... just talk to me. Please? ... I swear, I want to make everything better."

"I'm not-" She froze. Sat down by her phone and just stared at it- at the texts Clarke just read. "Just don't be mad at Lexa."

It didn't make any sense. Why would she not be mad at her? She was so irresponsible. Unless it was actually Madi's fault. But that made no sense. Madi wouldn't do that. Lexa wouldn't lie.

... Would she?

Why would she?

Clarke shook her head. "Madi, don't worry about me and Lexa. It's not your fault. She was irres-"

"It is!" she yelled with tears in her eyes.

'What?'

"Madi, I don't understand."

"She lied! She lied, okay!" Guilt poured from the girl's eyes. "She lied and it's my fault and I'm sorry!!"

That didn't make sense. Why would Lexa ever lie about that? Why would Madi- What did Madi do? Was she telling the truth or just trying to spare her her feelings?