secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[53]

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fast forward to after Christmas in Texas, and I was back in New York with Demi and Naya. under Jaycee's orders, I had to take time off from the studio and only resume work when my legs worked properly and I was out of the wheelchair for good.

slowly but surely, I was working on my eating. Demi started to make meals, and she got me a yoga mat so I could start to do yoga after I recovered fully. every bite was still a struggle and Demi always made me stay with her in the kitchen to make sure I wouldn't try to throw it all back up. Naya would stay to help with the washing up, and often during these times we'd talk about my songs, latest things happening in the celebrity world, or we'd just sing. we'd pick a song, and figure out harmonies, then sing it individually before singing together. I had recordings of our singing on my phone. Demi's high notes still blew me away, even though she could be arm deep in washing up water with a sponge on a plate. but it worked. eating got easier.

mysteriously, a week and a bit after Christmas, my mom dropped the custody fight. Demi told me one morning over some juice, and then read the email that my mom had sent to her about it with me.

Ms. Lovato,

Due to current circumstances I have decided to drop the court case regarding Lea. I will revoke all legal guardianship I have of her as she wishes and I will not be of any authority to her. I will also not request to see her any longer. You may proceed with her as you please. This will the last time I contact you, Ms. Rivera or Lea again. Please forward to her my regards.

Ms. Till

it was a mix of relief and confusion that I felt. somehow she had just stopped loving me completely. I was no longer a Deyes, and I didn't know where to go from here. as of now I didn't have a family. what did that mean? what happened? they couldn't take me into social services or anything, could they? technically, they could, but how was that going to work? I didn't understand. I had no idea. as I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling yet again, I let myself cry. as I let the tears leak out of my eyes, I rolled over to the side and stared at the TV screen that was paused on Netflix.

at that moment, I felt like something had to change. I had to harden my heart and move on. I had to stop relying on people. before my dad died, I had relied fully on him. when he passed away, I relied fully on Katelyn. when I went off to the show, I relied on Demi. when Demi and I had that fight, I relied on the girls. this wasn't good. when it all stripped down to basics, you can really only rely on yourself. that's how the world works. no one can save you. because we're all humans, our instincts are usually pretty selfish. huma-

my phone rang sharply, making me jump. every time I tried to have a good think about things, my phone always rang. it was like fate didn't want me to think so much.

"hello?" I answered before looking at the caller ID. bad choice, I know.

"hey, Lay," Lauren's smooth voice came through the speaker.

"oh, hi Lo," I said, rolling over and sitting up, putting the phone on speaker. "what's up?"

"I'm not sure why I called you," Lauren said, laughing. "but hi. how's it going?"

laughing with her, I reached for my laptop. "just about to start overthinking and having an existential crisis again. how about you? and the girls?"

"I'm glad I called, then. we're good," Lauren replied, a tinge of amusement in her voice. "probably gonna start rehearsing for the Pitbull New Years thing soon."

"sounds fun," I mumbled absentmindedly while logging onto tumblr. "hours in the dance studio again?"

"you got it. but Sean'll make it fun."

"Lauren?"

"yes, babe?"

babe. I tried to ignore the irregular heartbeat that had taken place. what the hell, Lea? it's just Lauren.

"how's you and Mila?"

I heard her sigh a bit. "I don't know. she's just- she's just so impossible for me not to like."

I waited for her to continue, scrolling through my dash. that looked nice. reblog.

"I just can't help it, you know? whether she's just woken up and her hair is a tangled mess and her eyes are barely open and her old pajamas are crumpled from the sleep, or she's getting her makeup done for the show and the bronzer highlights her face and she looks stunning in her outfit and she's dancing onstage and her confidence just radiates, she's just so beautiful. like when I call her Camz and her face just lights up. it just makes me so happy. and, like, keeping a conversation is getting easier now, but sometimes I just want to cut her off halfway and tell her how much I love her. everything is getting easier, like trying to ignore the fact that I like her, but at the same time, I feel like I like her even more each day. does that make sense?"

"I'm sorry, but that description of her is the cutest thing."

Lauren groaned. "I forgot. you were a harmonizer and a camren shipper once."

I laughed. "sorry. but honestly, you two are pretty much the ultimate ship."

"you have no idea how much s--- I get from Dinah about being the captain of the ship."

"but that's why you're so defensive, right?" I asked quietly.

"defensive?"

"yeah. about Camren. on tumblr, twitter, everything. denying everything. because you love her. you love Camila."

she was quiet for a while. "I guess so. I just thought that if I deny it, they'd believe me."

"since you're so on point with your assumptions, why not yo-"

"firstly, shut up. don't ever use that again," she laughed.

"delusionssss," I teased.

"I'm hanging up," she threatened jokingly. "I gotta go too anyway."

"one last thing, Lo," I said, my tone serious.

"what?"

"I'm with my boyfriend, yes my boyfriend."

"goodbye, Lea Rochelle," Lauren said in between laughter as she hung up.

immediately after, I got a text from her.

Lolo: but forreal, I gotta go. love you Lay, talk soon? 💖💗🌸

Lea: sure. love you too, have fun with Mila 🌚

Lolo: oh don't even

---

the next morning, I got a huge bottle of water and a few mints, then did my makeup for the first time since I was taken, and curled my hair. then I set up my camera and microphones, grabbed a pillow, and positioned myself on my bed, moving slightly to get the camera to focus on me.

I was going to film the explanation video.

I pressed the button to record, then stared at myself in the viewfinder.

"um," I started unsurely. "hey guys. it's Lea, and I think this video is long overdue."

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A/N:

I don't have much to say today, except that the next chapter is coming very, very soon. it'll be Lea's video, and I'll try my best to update this week!

xoxo