secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[46]

(attached is a short Learen conversation that they have later on to satisfy all you shippers... I'm sorry Lauren hasn't been in the story as much, but don't worry! she'll be in action soon (; )

the next day, as soon as Mom left the house and double locked the door, I could not stop pacing. I needed to grab things from my room that I wanted to take with me forever, because after this, I would never be coming back. when I left for the X Factor, I assumed that I'd come back at some point to collect my things, but I never counted on things turning out the way they did.

wait, if Katelyn had hidden a letter in a book, what if she had hidden other things in my room too? I checked the time. 8:28am. Demi and Naya were going to be here in about a two hours and a half or something like that, so I had time to look. deciding to look while packing, I crossed the room to the closet quickly. I rummaged through, and dragged out an old backpack. I probably did use this at some point, but I honestly can't remember when. school, maybe? it's black, and a pretty good size too. I tucked Katelyn's letter back into the exact same page of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, then placed it carefully into the backpack. I searched through the closet and rolled up a bunch of my clothes and put them in, as well as a few of my books after checking that I wasn't leaving any of Katelyn's letters behind. some of the trinkets on the top shelf, and anything that ever reminded me of happier days. I managed to fill the bag with my clothes and folded the Converse as flat as I could before cramming them into the bag and forcing the zip shut. if I wasn't careful, I might end up breaking the bag. I blamed the sweatpants - they were comfy and I didn't want to leave them behind.

in total, I found 9 more pieces of folded paper, and I could see Katelyn's handwriting bleeding through the paper. I scoured the room again one last time from top to bottom, and found one last folded letter between the mattress and bedframe. now I had about an hour to spare, so I put on The 1975 in honor of Katelyn's keychain, and as Menswear started playing my phone vibrated, so I checked it. a smile spread across my face when I saw that Lauren had texted me, and excitedly replied. (picture attached)

tw // self harm mention

we chatted for a while, until she had to go. we reluctantly said goodbye, then I looked around my room again. I always had this thing where I couldn't leave a place without feeling I forgot something, and it was a nightmare in hotel rooms because I always felt uncomfortable for the next hour or so. I got up and went into the bathroom, taking a deep breath as I did so. as I looked around the white tiled wall and the shower where I had spent hours crying, the floor I had slumped on with blood on my arms, the sink where I had washed my blades, the mirror I had broken down in front of multiple times pinching my stomach, and the toilet that I had thrown up in. ignoring the temptations beckoning to me, I stuck my middle finger up, whispered, "f--- you", then turned the light off and closed the door for the last time.

---

after running my fingers across everything I was leaving behind, I dragged my backpack downstairs and sat by the door, waiting. I took in the small, cramped living room and what I could see of the kitchen through the small door, and everything that had stayed the same ever since I was 7. Mom never bothered to redo or rearrange the house after Dad died, or do any paintwork. it was something only Dad had done, and she never stepped up to take the job. when I left to go to the show, the walls were peeling and the bathroom leaked regularly. but somewhere between then and now, Mom had straightened herself up, redone the house properly and reestablished herself, probably while making Katelyn's life a living hell. before, if someone talked to her, they'd probably judge her based on stereotypes as an alcoholic, unemployed, and with rebellious kids. now, if you saw her, you'd think she was employed, single, and without children. she had gotten rid of Katelyn, the "screwed up, troublesome daughter with too many problems to solve" and she had only brought me back to be her servant. not a daughter, even though I was her own flesh and blood.