secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[12]

tw// self harm mention

I didn't go back to the contestants' mansion that night.

I couldn't trust myself. The destructive habits I had gotten myself into weren't a cry for help anymore. In fact, I had help now. Demi was here. The habits were an addiction. I knew that if I had a night to myself, an empty bathroom, and a razor, I was not going to make it. I wouldn't be thinking straight.

The morning after I spent the first night at Demi's place, I returned to the mansion, where the others greeted me as if nothing had happened, which I was grateful for. I later found out that Brooke and Marie had called an "emergency conference" and stood on top of the coffee table informing the others briefly about my slight meltdown. I had packed up my things due to Demi insisting I move in with her.

With Demi sitting next to me and holding my hands, I came clean to the other contestants about my anxiety. I didn't tell them my entire life story like I did with Demi, nor did I tell them about the self harm or eating disorders.

"I think moving in with Demi is a good idea," Marie told me. The others agreed.

"I... just don't want you guys to think I'm getting special treatment.. I just don't want to die right now," I explained.

A collection of "no way"s and "of course not"s rose in the room.

"we completely understand," Sephy assured Demi and I.

After being assured that they understood, Demi returned to her place while we sat on the couch watching Pitch Perfect.

Despite the tragedy happening in my life, I was thankful to be able to be surrounded by people who accepted and loved me. That was something that I hadn't felt in five years.

------

At Demi's, I had lunch, kept it down, and chose the song I was going to sing this week. Then I spent some time on twitter. There were rumors that someone close to me had passed away, and I felt like I should be the one to tell the truth.

@MsLeaRochelle: Hi friends, I'm sad to confirm that my sister, Katelyn, has passed last night. Please don't worry about me, and thank you for your support =]

and my mentions exploded.

@ddlovato: stay strong, sweetie. RT @MsLeaRochelle: Hi friends, I'm sad to confirm that my sister, Katelyn, has passed last night. Please don't worry about me, and thank you for your support =]

@KellyRowland: @MsLeaRochelle keeping you in my prayers.

@PaulinaRubio: @MsLeaRochelle be strong. we are here for you.

@sephyxoxo: @MsLeaRochelle I love you!

@SimonCowell: @MsLeaRochelle very sad to hear. please take time to rest.

@TobiasBeton23: @MsLeaRochelle we're here for you :)

I tweeted once more, then put down my phone and went to get a cup of water and my book.

@MsLeaRochelle: Thank you for your support. I love you all =] <3

------

It was that night that I called my mother.

Demi and I were sat on her king sized bed, hands intertwined. My phone lay in front of us, on speaker mode.

"Hello?" Mom picked up.

"Hi, Mom, it's Lea."

"Yes. Well, it's your choice if you want to come back here for the funeral."

"Of course I'm coming," I said, confused.

Mom sighed. "Yes, well, there's a catch. Katelyn wanted you to go for the X Factor, I didn't. Since now Katelyn isn't here, I strongly suggest you remain here in Uniondale without furthering this fame thing."

What?

"You mean dropping out of the X Factor," I stated, shocked.

"Yes. I never wanted anyone from my family to become famous. I find it unneccessary and attention-seeking. As your mother I'm going to withdraw you from the competition."

"woah," I furrowed my brow. "Hold up. So I go back to Uniondale and what?"

"Go back to school. Put this whole thing behind us. Forget your musical... thing. Lead normal lives."

"Mom, this is what I've always wanted to do..."

"Well, too bad. I will not have any daughter of mine go into the music industry and turn into some rich stuck up bitch."

My eyes flew to Demi, whose expression was unreadable.

".... Just like your mentor," my mother continued.

My hand slammed onto the bed in fury.

"Mom, look. You may insult me, but do not, and I repeat, DO NOT insult Demi. Demi has been the most supportive figure in my life and I won't have you going around calling her a bitch. Demi helped me not just as a vocalist, but as a person. I'm a better person thanks to her. But you hit me, you called me names, you threatened to disown me! When you found out Katelyn was struggling, you told her to stop looking for attention. Now what? Now she's gone. And that's because no one helped her! I tried to, I tried my best. But I can only do so much, Mom! You had the power to help her! And you know what? You didn't. You called Katelyn a shame to the family, because all you want is a perfect family. You want a daughter that will bounce back smiling no matter how many times she gets hit and abused and shouted at and put down. And you know what? We tried. We tried to keep strong and fighting but we can only take so much! I came to the X Factor to try and help us, Mom. Our family was falling apart, and now it's in pieces. I will attend Katelyn's funeral, but I will not remain in Uniondale!"

Silence.

I felt the tears roll down my cheeks in sadness and frustration.

"Well," my mother said, emotionlessly. "If you insist on this ridiculous career, you will not be invited to the funeral, Lea Rochelle Deyes, and I will no longer call you my daughter."

"Fine!" I screamed.

and then she hung up.

I grabbed my hoodie lying on the bed and screamed as loudly as I could into it. I kept yelling until I felt myself being pulled back by Demi into her warm embrace. She stroked my hair and rocked back and forth slowly, cradling and soothing me.

"don't yell," Demi whispered. "Thank you for standing up for me."

"You're welcome," I rasped. Demi reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a cup of water. I drank thirstily.

"I'm so proud of you, Lea," Demi reminded me again. "For standing up for yourself. I know that wasn't easy."

"Thanks," I leaned on her shoulder.

That night, when we lay in bed, Demi asleep, I stared up at the ceiling. My mother was disowning me. Was she really? I had no idea. Did she mean it? But, for some reason, I didn't feel vulnerable and helpless.

I felt like a warrior.

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A/N:

Literally yikes

xoxo