secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[64]

Lea's POV

I woke up feeling like something big was going to happen. after I'd managed to shut off my 6am alarm, I remembered. Wango Tango was today.

scrambling out of bed, a huge smile spread across my face as I padded softly towards the bathroom so I could get ready. I was going to see the girls again today, which means I'd get to see Lauren.

Demi was in the kitchen when I wandered out after taking a shower and getting ready, and she gave me a box of sandwiches for breakfast as she grabbed her car keys. "morning, baby." she greeted as we started to put our shoes on, giving me a kiss on the forehead. "excited?"

"of course," I said. "I didn't practice all day yesterday for nothing."

when we started driving to the venue, it was already 6:45am. I had my first soundcheck at 8am, hair and makeup at 9am, rehearsal at 10:30am and the event would start at 2pm. my set was at 2:45pm. the girls and I had plans to meet at 8:45am when I was done with my soundcheck so we could go to hair and makeup together, and I was already fidgeting in my seat. Jaycee was going to be there too, and so was Matt. he was going to be my guitarist again, although he'd told us that he couldn't do it full time. this could be the last time he was playing a show with me.

"Lea," Demi said as she took a left turn. "please stop moving so much, you're making me nervous." we were eating the sandwiches for breakfast as the sun rose slowly over the horizon.

I stopped abruptly, and gave her an apologetic smile. "sorry," I said. "I'm just really excited."

"about the show, or about the girls?" Demi laughed.

I laughed with her, but an overwhelming rush of guilt overtook me straight after. I hadn't told Demi about Lauren, or the fact that I wasn't straight like she thought I was. I'd been keeping so much from her and the thought of it made me feel sick. what had happened to the times where we'd tell each other everything?

I looked at the GPS, where it said how much time was left until we reached the venue. it was an hour, so I figured we had time. "Demi?"

"yeah, sweetie?"

oh, f---. why was I nervous? I wasn't counting on getting nervous. this was Demi, so I shouldn't be.

Demi must've noticed my hesitation, and she reached out to take my hand. "what's up?"

I decided not to go in straight to the point. "um... I... uh- I-I have something to tell you, but I d-don't know why I'm so nervous. and I feel really bad because I'd wanted to tell you this for a long time now but I've just been scared and I don't know why because we used to tell each other everything but something has changed and I don't know what it is and I hate it and I want to go back and I don't know what happened and it isn't your fault and please don't be mad but I'm just reall-"

"woah, woah, woah, baby," Demi said, furrowing her brow. "sweetie, breathe. it's okay. I'm not mad, baby." she held my hand as I leant back and breathed out. "it's okay. shhh. hey."

"you're not mad, right?" I asked, peeking up at her. the time she had been mad at me and we'd fought was when I was on tour with the girls, and it'd been absolute hell. I never wanted to go through that again.

"of course I'm not," Demi said. "I'd definitely be looking at you right now, but I have to look at the road. I'm not mad at you, cutie." she paused for a while before saying, "I did notice we were growing apart. but baby, you're growing up. you're more confident now, and you're thriving. it's incredible that you're doing so, too, and it makes me so happy. and you don't owe me anything, Lea. you don't have to tell me every single thing, because I trust you in making decisions and it's just amazing how much you're growing now. Naya and I were just talking the other day about how much progress you've made and it's nearly unbelievable because you're doing so well, baby. we're both so proud of you."