secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[34]

August 2014

tw // ED

after our show in Milwaukee, Fifth Harmony, Austin and myself headed to Los Angeles to attend the Teen Choice Awards, where they were nominated and I was invited. afterwards, the girls and I would hit the studio for them to finish up their album and for me to continue mine. we would have to be back on the road and be in Toronto for our next show by the 13th. it wasn't the tightest schedule in the world, with a three day gap, so we were pretty okay.

as I had hoped, my outfit was a size smaller, and thankfully no one questioned it. I was wearing a white skater dress with white Converse and my hair was wavy and in a half up half down style. I was still conscious about my arms and legs showing, but I assured myself that by the next time I would have to attend an awards show, my size would get smaller and smaller.

I reached the blue carpet at the same time as the girls but walked seperately from them. I didn't want to disturb them too much. plus we had different interviews at different times, it wasn't a free-for-all like The X Factor. during the pictures, I was beyond terrified. I just knew that there were going to be rumors about "Lea Rochelle overeating?" "not so small! Lea seems to have put on a couple pounds!" and things like that. although my mind was running wild, I plastered the smile that I had practiced for ages in front of the mirror in the bathroom before Normani knocked on the door to ask if I was okay.

I met a couple of interviewers I knew from the show, and they all expressed pride of my coming on tour. I tried to concentrate on what they were saying and keeping my facial expressions pleasant, my mind constantly drifted to trying to maintain an angle where I would look as small as possible. later I'd go on YouTube and see if it was satisfactory.

finally, we made it into the theatre. I wasn't sitting with the girls, and we were all slightly disappointed but they were only on the row to my right, so Dinah and I would be separated by just an aisle, so it wasn't too bad. Demi was opening, and I was half-excited and half-annoyed at the fact that I could see her. I hadn't bumped into her at the carpet, and I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. part of me wanted to see her and then show her that I was having a hella good time, and part of me wanted to see her and talk to her, and part of me wished to avoid her altogether. I didn't have a master plan for ignoring her - I hadn't thought about what would happen when I went back to Texas after tour. I looked around for Jaycee.

"hi, Lea," she said when I found her. "everything okay?"

"can I ask you something real quick?"

"sure. what's up?"

"why am I stopping tour early?"

"because at the end of the Neon Lights Tour you said you wanted to have a relaxed summer... so I tried to make some time for you to spend time with the De La Garzas and Demi... speaking of, is everything okay with you and her?"

"peachy," I forced a smile. "thanks Jaycee. I really appreciate you considering what I said."

"it's no problem," she assured me. "you're still a teenager. you need time for yourself. it's an extremely busy industry."

"thank you so much. hey, I think I'll walk around this place for a while," I told her.

"sure. I'll see you back at our seats when the show starts!"

I wandered around, recognizing most people, some people wanting to take pictures with me, which I found strange. like, no, can I have a picture with you? I saw Demi's seat, which was empty, and felt a pinch at my heart before quickly masking it. I didn't need her. but I couldn't help but wonder if she would've taken Naya or me as a date. I also saw casts of TV shows, managed selfies with some of the Dance Moms girls calmly before running into the toilet to hide my fangirling, and bumped into Ally when I went back to my seat.