secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[37]

September 2014

it seemed like everyone's lives were smooth sailing, well underway, and going a hell of a lot nicely. the girls had finished up tour with Austin, Demi's tour had a great start, Naya was filming more for Glee, Matt was back with his family.

of course, it seemed like my life was pretty great as well. I made extra efforts to tweet uplifting, happy things, put pictures of meals up, things like that to assure people that I was "okay." in a week I'd be going to New York with Naya and spending some time there since she had an apartment in the city. and then things with partnerships and maximum promotion was well underway thanks to Jaycee.

I usually spent my days doing online school, replying emails from business people, contacting Jaycee about nearly everything, hours-long facetimes with the girls. I also spent time going through fan accounts under a fake name. I needed to know what people said about me and what people really thought, and under a "free follow" account I got into much of the existing "Leatics" and read all the opinions they had, regardless if they were good or bad. everyone in the industry, especially Demi, would never recommend that, but I did it anyway. didn't I need to connect with as many people as possible? the only way I could do that was by knowing what they wanted, right?

"Lea?" Naya knocked on my good softly. with a swift tap on my phone, I exited my "saved" account and switched to Instagram instead.

"come in," I said cheerily.

imagine this. you're Naya. you open the door and a girl with blonde hair up in a sock bun, wearing a comfy sweater and pajama shorts is lying on her bed with her laptop in front of her. her sheets are a pale cream color and the bed frame is a brilliant white. the windows behind her bed are open and her white curtains move softly in the breeze. the whole room is pale and cream colors, neat, pure tones, tidy. her hair shines in the sunlight. she looks refreshed, happy, the slightly giggly sort of girl. her already pale skin tone is made lighter by the warm morning light streaming in from her windows. but you don't know that she's just been reading hate comments about herself and gossip site articles stating which dress she wore made her look fat. you don't know that inside, her heart beats but she doesn't feel alive, she doesn't feel like she should exist. her mind is a complete contrast to her surroundings. it's dark, scary, messy, a tumble of thoughts that scare even herself. there's a inky black darkness spreading in her soul, like blotted ink on tissue paper that spreads, and spreads, and spreads. and there's nothing, really, you can do to stop it.

"I have a surprise for you," Naya said.

"what is it?" I asked, maintaining the excited smile I had, when in reality, I just really wanted to sleep forever. I hoped it wasn't food.

"WE'RE GOING TO NEW YORK!!!" Naya yelled.

"really?!" I sat up. New York wasn't too bad, I could get things done there.

Naya nodded, eyes sparkling. "we're going for weeks. it's going to be AMAZING! you have things to do, places to go, and I have a tv show to film. it's perfect."

"that's fantastic," I smiled at an overexcited Naya. "you're really looking forward to go back to Glee."

"I am," she confirmed. "especially with all that drama - ew."

"shake it off," I said, causing her to giggle. "when do we leave?"

"I was thinking next Tuesday," she said. that was five days away.

"sounds good. how long'll we be there?"

Naya tapped her chin. "I was thinking we just go. we'll just wing it when we get there."

"perfect," I said. "I'll start packing then."

she came over to kiss my cheek before skipping out, and remembering to close the door behind her.