secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[31]

you know that feeling you get on the first day of something new, that excitement that comes before or after the dread, and that invincible no-one-can-beat-me feeling?

that was how I felt during the first show.

I was a ball of nerves, but somehow I didn't fall or embarrass myself, which was a huge relief. I found that I loved the way the entire area was silent when I sang, just my voice and the acoustic guitar filling the place. despite my nervousness, it was complete adrenaline that drove me to carry out the climax during American, which was apparently spot on, as I was later told by Matt. I loved the lights, the crowd, the roar of applause that came after a song. I finally understood why Demi loved touring so much, it being a truly unexplainable feeling - just you, and other strangers, connecting solely by the power of music. and Jaycee was right - it was already doing wonders getting my name out and recognized. texts were sent by Demi daily to remind me that she loved me, Naya texted to encourage me before shows, while Dianna, Bea and Maddie all told me that the tour was the right decision. I was inclined to believe them, and I was sure I'd look back on summer 2014 with fondness and probable amusement.

in other news, the girls' new songs were amazing, and as I watched them end with BO$$ the first show, an amazing feeling grew in my heart. I don't know what to call it, but it was hella fantastic.

it made me cry backstage, even though it was just a live performance but I just felt this overwhelming sense of pride. like look at the girls. just look at them. before The X Factor I remember how Camila was shy and nervous and didn't have many friends in high school, Dinah tried out the year before but didn't get in, Ally used to feel insecure and unwanted, Lauren felt lonely and sad, and Mani said once she never felt pretty but now they're strutting their stuff, and yes the choreography might seem a bit mature but they're now confident enough to dance and express themselves. the fact that the crowd was so pumped (despite this not being their own concert) just brings a tear to my eye. their 2 year anniversary was extremely recent and I remember when Simon called them back to the stage and said "Ally stand with the girls" then "what do you see?" followed by "you all, as you are, invited to the judges' homes." which of course reduced all of them to sobbing messes and tears and snot. maybe Camila peed - we'll never know, but they've grown so much from Anything Could Happen in tutus and bows and criticism for not harmonizing and now would you just look at them I'm getting emotional okay I'm done sorry you had to go through that I'm just--

let me find my chill.

yes, I live with Demi Lovato and see Fifth Harmony pretty regularly, but I fangirl so much that it's actually embarrassing for everybody.

let's continue.

we did the whole of Texas without a hitch, which everyone said was a good sign, something about if the first three shows were good, the tour would be good. I didn't buy it but hey, whatever helps them sleep at night. and of course you need loads of sleep while on tour.

(tw // small ED mention)

the days were blurry - wake up early, make my bunk, skip breakfast, watch the highways go by from the bus windows, pick an outfit for the day, maybe read a little. as soon as everyone was awake, I'd start doing runs and warmups. my voice needed to be perfect for the show later on. I'd drink throat coat tea. talk to the girls, laugh, joke around, poke fun at each other. when we reached a venue, we'd help set up, possibly take a shower, explore the place, warm up. then Fifth Harmony would go on for their set right before me. it's hard going after Fifth Harmony. it's like when you're on The X Factor or whatever, and you find out that Beyoncé is going before you. despite this, I enjoyed performing, and I had met some fans who said they bought tickets just to see me, which was completely unreal.