secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[27]

June 2014

tw // mentions of ED and self harm

Demi left for London to end the tour, leaving Naya and I in LA.

"I wanted to go," I grumbled to Naya the morning after Demi flew off.

Naya laughed. "She'll be back soon."

For some reason, I was in a bad mood that day. "Yeah," I muttered, grabbing an apple then sprinting back to my room, taking the steps two by two. I sat on my bed, turned my laptop on, and did some school. I couldn't concentrate. For the first time in a long time, I was being left alone. I didn't have a goal for the day, I wasn't doing anything - I had nothing planned. Demi was in London, Fifth Harmony were touring, Naya was busy today with business meetings. There wasn't any incentive to do anything - no "wanna meet up at 4?" from Camila, no concerts to look forward to like the tour, no recording to be done, no meeting anyone. It was strange, to say the least. The last months had been so hectic - tour, recording, tour, recording.

I checked my phone. Nothing from Jaycee, nothing from Dianna or Maddie or Dallas, nothing from the girls, nothing from Demi, nothing from Bea either.

All of a sudden, I remembered what life was like before The X Factor. I would wake up, probably ditch school, lock myself in my room, being completely alone. And even though I knew Naya was downstairs and I had about 7 people on speed dial, I felt exactly like I used to. Just alone. It was so scary, almost like my months-long clean streak was fragile enough to be shattered in a matter of five minutes. For example, the apple I had eaten this morning was a sudden enemy to my body and I almost gagged.

"No," I mumbled to myself. "Keep it down." I closed my laptop, put it on the floor next to my bed and burrowed under the covers. Maybe a nap would help. Maybe I was cranky.

After a long, long time, I decided that no, a nap would not help. My mind was cloudy with nothing but negativity, and I had to go out somewhere. Throwing off the covers, I grabbed my phone, purse and put on some decent clothes. Flying down the stairs, I ran out of the house. I really needed to go out and escape. I should've called Jamie, but I really just wanted to be alone. Plus, Demi's gone out millions of times without Max or Sugar, so why can't I?

Walking briskly down the road for 15 minutes helped to clear a bit of my messy thoughts. I checked where the girls were going to be today. Chicago, House of Blues. That wasn't a bad venue, in fact I-

"Lea?"

I looked up from my phone to see a girl, maybe 6, standing in front of me. "Oh, hi," I tried my best to smile. "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

"Is it really you?" she asked, on the brink of tears.

"It's me," I said.

"Thank you," she said, reaching out to pick up my hand and hold it. "You saved my sister's life and our family from falling apart."

"I did?"

She nodded. "Uh huh. My sister's called Jasmine and she's 16. She's been fighting against herself for a long time. She called Mom crying one day. Mom rushed home. Then she sat down with Mom and said that she was really sad. She showed Mom something on her hands. It's like when I'm climbing trees and I get scratched by the branches." She paused. "Mom said that Jas was almost going to see our Nana in heaven. But then I wouldn't get to see her again. I don't get to see Nana anymore. And so I asked Jas. She said that she was looking for a reason to stay here because heaven sounds nicer. No one bullies her there and she'd have more friends. But then she put on her music. And then your performance came on. The one you did for your big sissy. The bird one. Nightingale I think. She said that she remembered what you said. You said to always stay strong. And to fight. No matter what kind of battle you are fighting. Because you still can win." She stopped for a while, trying to keep her voice steady. "If Jas had gone, Mom would have been really sad. Dad might have never come home. But when Mom called him after Jas told her, he came home. And we're all together now. And Jas is going to win her fight." A pause. "Thank you Lea. You saved us." It was quiet for a while. "Why are you crying?"