secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[40]

* I am aware that if you are on mobile the video does not play but if you like you can click the little link and watch it on YouTube instead! *

tw // ED

for the next weeks, I threw myself into work. no matter how tired I was, I was going to work and work and work and show Demi and Naya that I was actually doing something and it had been right to bring me to New York and I was worth keeping around.

I went to the studio nearly every day, attended as many meetings as I could, and was constantly replying a new flood of emails. it was no longer the dreary days I dragged on and on - now it was hectic.

now I left the house at the same time or just a bit after Naya, usually 7am. I'd tell her that I'd get breakfast on the way and she bought into it because she would grab breakfast at the set. then I'd go straight to the studio and tell them that I had eaten breakfast at home. I'd stay in the studio til about 1, then I would have a lunch break. usually this meant I would go get something from a salad bad or a juice and go to the mall for a while before returning back to the studio. from there I could get driven to Polished or anywhere else I needed to be, or we'd have meetings then. after that, at about 5, we'd call it a day, then I'd go back to the apartment. I usually squeezed school in between breaks and spare time. when I got back, I had to find some way to make it look like I'd eaten. whether it was spreading crumbs on the coffee table or leaving wrappers on the kitchen counter, I always checked everything to make it as convincing as possible. I'd sometimes film a video for my YouTube, take a shower then FaceTime someone - the girls or Bea or Maddie, then mess around on the piano or watch a movie for a while until Naya came home at maybe 7 or 8. she'd tell me off for the crumbs I left or the wrapper I abandoned, so I'd clear that off and she wouldn't ask any questions. after she took a shower we would FaceTime Demi. and from there I had time to myself - I usually spent this on social media reading people's comments on me, replying more emails, signing myself up to things I prayed I wouldn't be too tired for. then I'd go to bed around midnight, wake up, and the whole cycle started again.

was I tired? of course I was. but this was work, wasn't it? this is how things worked in the industry. people said it was going to be hard, but I wanted it, and I was going to do whatever it took to get it.

as I collapsed onto the sofa on yet another October afternoon after a day at the studio, a small smile graced my lips. I was going to release a single as well as a music video for it, and I was so excited for it. finally my work was going to pay off, and everyone would get to see it. with some luck, people would like it, and maybe I could prove that I was good for something. pushing myself off the couch, I opened the fridge to get some cold water to drink, then retired to my room to huddle under my covers and go on tumblr, not to resurface for the next hour.

when Naya came home, I told her about the single release, then we skyped Demi, and I told her. when Naya had gone to bed and I was supposed to be asleep, I called Lauren to tell her and the girls. I hadn't been so excited for something in a long time - sure, listening to my finished songs in the studio did excite me, but this was actually being released and coming out and people were going to be able to share it.

"that's amazing!" Dinah shouted after I told them and all five exploded into screams.

"ALLY'S CRYING!" Normani shouted.

"I'M JUST SO PROUD OF YOU," Ally sobbed over the phone.

"what's it called?" Camila asked.

"it's called..." I paused for dramatic effect. "Can't Blame A Girl For Trying."

more screams.

"that literally sounds so good already," Lauren said. "like, even from the song title. you can just tell that it's gonna be wonderful."