Death Spiral Smackdown

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"Prepare yourself, dingoes!" Perry yelled early that morning, as we filed into the gym for first-period

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"Prepare yourself, dingoes!" Perry yelled early that morning, as we filed into the gym for first-period. She paced back and forth in an exaggerated stride, her arms slicing dramatically through the air. "It's time for my annual fitness challenge week! This year, forget about push-ups and sit-ups. It's time for bruises, sprains, and freak accidents! I present the Death Spiral Smackdown!" She yanked a remote from her waistband and slammed a button. With a sudden whoosh, jets of air blasted outward as the cloth covering the contraption was ripped away. Adam, Leo, and I stumbled back, completely unprepared, while the rest of the students gasped in awe.

Yep. That's our principal, everybody.

Adam let out a low whistle. "Well, say what you will about her, but she knows how to bring the sizzle."

Leo squinted at the spiral, unimpressed but I could see his fearful look as the woman climbed onto it. "Why do you call it the Death Spiral? I mean... doesn't look so scary to me." I scoffed, and muttered under my breath, knowing how bad this could go. "Yeah. Just wait."

"Why don't I have vice-principal Cochran demonstrate for you?" Perry grabbed the vice principal from the collar and made him stand in the middle of the spiral. She tapped a button on the remote, and the spiral lurched into a rapid spin, driving the man down into a crouch like an animal clinging for stability.

She cackled at the sight of him in pain, excited for what her students are up against. She turned up the power to make it spin even faster. Honestly, it was making me dizzy. In a blur of motion, he lost his footing and was flung sideways, his body slamming into the rows of metal chairs with a brutal clang. The impact echoed through the room. Leo, Adam, and I could only stare, frozen in disbelief. "It's not broken! Walk it off!" Adam swallowed hard and edged toward her onto the platform. "Wait, s-so how does it work?" he asked fearfully. "You wrestle your opponent as it spins you silly. It'll test your strength, reflexes, and ability to hold your bladder against centrifugal force! Hahaha!" her shoulders hitching upward with barely contained excitement.

"What do you think, Leo? Can you handle it?" Gordo—Leo's friend—called out as he made his way toward us, stopping on the black mat at the base of the spiral. "Well, my bladder's strong, but just to be safe, I'm sticking to dark gym shorts." He replied, overhearing her explain the "activity." 

"I, myself will be wearing a full-body diaper. In the face of fear, you'll never know where you're gonna leak from." Gordo nodded solemnly as Leo and I looked him up and down, then exchanged a glance of our own. What conversation have I gotten myself into? 

"If you have the guts, partner up, and choose carefully. Your survival depends on the decision you make, and there are. Very. Few. Good. Options! Hahahahaha!!" Her grin stretched far too wide as I rubbed my temples. I swear, that woman is completely unhinged.

"Well, Leo, every year we lose the fitness challenge, but this year, we're gonna do it in style. I don't want to brag, but..." Gordo puffed out his chest, fiddling with the green cape in his hands. "I totally earned the Sewing Merit badge." With a flourish, he handed Leo a matching green cape identical to his own. Leo snatched it up, and I narrowed my eyes at the guilty expression plastered across his face. "Listen, Gordo..." He took a few steps around us before finally turning to face us. "I don't want to have a cape. I want to be a winner, so this year, we're going in a different direction."

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