Toxicity |18+|

Chapter thirty nine : I need you.

Dante.

It's been three whole months. Ninety days of not seeing her smile, of not being able to hold her while we sleep. I don't feel like myself anymore. I'm worse than what I used to be. Elijah had me put on sleeping medication because I simply couldn't sleep without her. Every single day, going to the hospital to see her, to see if she'll wake up and can smile again. I talked about everything. Memories, things that have happened. I've even talked about my feelings and I don't do that, I hate it. I see her every single day and it doesn't bring me joy. It used to bring me joy but now it doesn't anymore. I am trying to hold it together in front of everyone but I can't do it anymore. She looks so calm now, her bruises have cleared up more but she is still on an oxygen mask. The doctors are losing hope too, they said she should've been awake by now. Especially because of the amounts of times that I have visited her.

Vanessa is gone. She'd be back soon but she had to go home to her fiance. I understood, of course. She left the day after Leah's anniversary. It was nice. We went to the diner that she always used to go to and ate her favorite. Plain old tomato soup with a side of fries. It was a random combination and I didn't understand why she loved it so much but every time she came to this diner she ordered it.

I take another gulp of my whiskey and think. Of course, my mind travels back to Maya.

"Are you still going to try to sabotage this?" I asked her.

"Well, since you don't think realistically I have to do that for you."

I sigh. I should have protected her better. I should have listened. I took another gulp but nothing came into my mouth. I looked at the bottle and noticed it was empty. With anger and force, I threw the bottle against the wall.

When will the guilt stop?

It won't. It'll never.

"Dante?" I heard Hailey's voice come from upstairs. She ran down the stairs. Her cast came off a couple of weeks ago. She decided to stay to look after me, especially since I don't even really know what to do with myself anymore. Not without her. I haven't stepped one foot in Lacoste in days. Elijah and Xavier are still running the mafia right now, they just come to me if it's absolutely necessary. I've dived myself into work but one day I just couldn't avoid it anymore, and with work I mean Lacoste. My father was a little happy when I picked that up but it didn't last long since I quit pretty soon. I still let Lacoste run, we just don't plan any parties. I needed her to strive. I haven't boxed either, not competitions at least, just the occasional training.

My anger doesn't simmer down after I've heard Hailey call me or after throwing the bottle against the wall. I grab one of the chairs and throw it towards my kitchen, it hits a large vase and it shatters completely. I don't care. It was expensive, yes, and my mother will kill me if she finds out that I broke it but I couldn't care less about that right now. I need a way to release my anger before I do worse things that I'll regret.

"Dante! come on. You should sleep," Hailey tries to help me and grabs my wrist. I drop to the floor against the wall that leads to the big open hallway with tears rolling down my eyes. I hate this. I hate crying and I have been doing it a lot since Maya went into this coma.

"Why didn't I listen?" I whisper.

"Dante, we both know it was an accident. She will wake up, you of all people have to hold hope," Her voice breaks. I know she tries to sympathize with me but it doesn't help. They all keep saying she'll wake up but it doesn't change the fact that she's still there. Not moving an inch. Just laying there, with her eyes closed.

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I get woken up by Hailey.

"I'm going out with Oliver alright?" She says. I groan. Has she seriously woken me up just to tell me this? My head is booming in pain and I feel like every noise she makes, puts a knife into my brain. I should've held control over the alcohol last night.