OPEN YOUR EYES (BLIND I) - MUSIQ SERIES PART 2

40. BROKEN

Heejin broke two promises that night, as she had not eaten like she promised Hikaru nor met Xia at the bathroom at night to talk, but she could not bring herself to do either of those. She had been reading even more comments on the KEW App hoping to find positive ones to uplift her, but the negative ones outweighed the positive ones and it only helped to make her feel even worse. 

Thankfully, they did not have to work on anything strictly for the next days, so she woke up before everyone else, ate her breakfast and quickly headed to one of the self-practice studios to work on music or relax. While it indeed distracted her, she soon was able to realise that trying to write a song only meant that the song would be about what she was thinking and feeling at that moment, yet for some reason that did not stop her. She silently worked on it, letting her heart out in the small practice room for hours.

"Heejin?" she heard someone call her from outside the room. "Where the hell is she?"

When she recognised Juiyu's voice she was about to open the door and tell her where she was but, when she heard other people were with her, she picked up the laptop and hid under the small window so they could not see her when they passed by.

"Where could she be? It's not like she could have run away, right?" Juna asked worried. "Did the voting really affect her that much?"

"I bet it wasn't just the votes. There must be something else we are missing," Juiyu told her. "But what is it? Minako, differences aside, did you notice anything unusual?"

"I mean... she was crying last night, but other than that..." Minako answered. "Oh, right, a few days ago she asked me if I thought she stood a chance in the program."

"Fuck..."

Although part of her wanted to leave the room and tell them she was okay, she doubted whether she would be able to tell them that without faltering, so she waited until they all left before going back to working on the music, only that time with headphones and sitting on the floor to not let anyone see or hear her. The room was soundproof, but she still did not want to risk it.

"Found you!" Hikaru said opening the door, startling Heejin. "I've looked inside almost every single practice room. I thought for a second you had actually left."

"Sorry..." she said standing up and bowing.

"I'm not here as mentor Hikaru, so don't worry about formalities or anything like that, okay? I just want to chat with you," he said sitting down and making her do the same. "I have already been updated on the votes and ranking. Congratulations on that. Fourth place is really nice, and the first place from the professional jury was outstanding."

"Hikaru, you said you aren't here as a mentor right now, right?" Heejin asked him and he nodded. "Then can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"How do you cope with the idol life? How do you cope with having little to no privacy and people judging everything you do?"

"You can't compare what you are going through right now to what being an idol actually is. Sure, every time we do something people are watching us and we need to be careful whenever we step a foot outside, but we are also able to have privacy when at home, at the company or anywhere else without cameras or fans around us," he told her. "You have many more restrictions and bans here than idols have, and even more if you think about idols under your company. This is just trying to train you to experience the harshest so that when you go out and encounter the real thing it doesn't feel half as threatening.

"It's true that by becoming an idol you need to give up on some things, but I promise that this is not what it's actually like. You have been able to meet C1K after they became a group, right? We also met when you were practicing for your evaluation and Haeil, Dara, the C1K members and I even went out for dinner one night. You will still have private life, Heejin, so don't feel discouraged because of what you see here. Hell, you can even date in your company, so definitely don't worry about that."