OPEN YOUR EYES (BLIND I) - MUSIQ SERIES PART 2

88. FRUSTRATION

"You were going to tell us, my ass!" Axel said to the phone as he talked to Jax about his dating news. "You're supposed to tell us about these things, just like Duyi, Joontae and I told you about ours!.. Yeah, yeah... Sure... When I'm back I'm going to kill you!"

Heejin wanted to talk to Axel about their rings, but he seemed to be busy at that moment and did not notice her, so Heejin just stood by the entrance to the dorms pacing back and forth while thinking about what to say. He had just dropped such bomb without a warning, so she was processing everything still and did not want to make a fool of herself.

"Oh, Heejin," Axel said as he hung up the call and saw her there. "What are you doing here?"

"I feel like we need to talk about... that," she told him. "You just said it like it's nothing!"

"I doubt I could have told you if it wasn't that way, to be honest." He scratched his nape nervously. "Look, you can just keep the ring seeing it as a normal gift. It's just... for me it means more."

"But... why a promise ring? Did you do it with its full meaning behind it?"

"I know we just started dating last year and that our anniversary is in a few days, but you know I have liked you from before that and that I have never felt the way I feel about you for anyone else. I'm not asking you to marry me, but I think it's safe to say that at some point or another I will ask you to. The only thing that's uncertain is when I'll do it. I'm still too young for that so don't expect it anytime soon, but just so you know."

She was really surprised by what he said and did not know what to tell him. She felt the same way, but she did not have a way with words like he did so she just stood there not knowing what to say or do.

"H-how-?!" Heejin tried to ask but failed to and frustratedly moved her hands around. "How can you say that pretending not to make me lose my cool?!"

"Sorry?"

"No! You just can't drop bombs like that and say such romantic stuff while being so incredibly put together! It's not fair!"

Axel finally understood what was going on and laughed at her. It seemed like he did not need much to make Heejin flustered.

"We both know that even if on the outside I may look like the 'baddie' type I'm nothing like that," he told her and wrapped his arms around her. "When I bought the rings I did it for you to have something to hold on to while on the show and after it. I wanted you to know that, although things are uncertain in other aspects of your life, there are still things that remain the same. It turns out that didn't go as planned, but I want to make sure it does from now on, because I'm not going anywhere this time."

"There are cameras everywhere in this place but I don't care," Heejin said and pulled him down to kiss him. "Let me try to be the romantic one sometime instead of setting the bar higher each time."

"I'm just setting it higher because I'm taller," he joked, making Heejin roll her eyes, and leaned back down to peck her lips. "I'm a simple guy, so doing things like having breakfast together like the other day is more than enough for me."

"I can't wait to get off this program already..." she said biting her lower lip. "I really can't."

"I mean... the rooms are empty most of the day..." He teased her, but Heejin hit his arm.

"Stop, you pervert! I meant it as in going on dates!"

"I know, I know!" He laughed. "You are on your period, anyway..."

"Oh, come on!"

ººº

After spending the afternoon playing games and having fun, at around nine Heejin went to the practice room her group had to work with Lin as promised. Alix had also told her to meet her to chat over a cup of tea, but she had already agreed to working with her other boss earlier that day and could not miss it, so she went there first. Still, Alix told her she should not worry about it and instead chose to join them.

"Hello!" Lin said as she walked inside the practice room with Alix, who was holding a sleepy Hyeonwoo in her arms. "Are you feeling a bit calmer now?"

"Yes, a lot," she admitted. "I don't know why I keep getting so worked up over everything even though I take some time off."

"It's normal. Stress isn't something that disappears in just a day or two. Although you all seem to be having fun to an extent, it's evident that you aren't here to play around and that you are risking your future, so it's normal," Lin assured her as the three sat down together to chat before starting. "You should always keep in mind that everything going on within these walls at the moment is coexisting with amounts of stress that were unfathomable at MusiQ. After all, since this is a show there must also be entertainment, and sadly that comes with a cost."

"I understand. It's just... I'm so bad at managing my emotions it only ends up frustrating me even more. Like, I know I'm not a rapper and that I will never be able to perform as such at Eunae, Juiyu or Minako's level, but I still get frustrated over it and the fact that I do only frustrates me even more."

"You are not meant to be the best, Heejin," Alix told her. "I know I sound like a hypocrite, but I learnt this the hard way. You are meant to be yourself. People don't watch these shows expecting all of you to be incredibly talented in absolutely everything; people watch them because they want to form connections with you and see you grow. You can be an absolute master at everything, but if you are miserable because of it they will definitely notice."

"But if I'm good at everything, people will want to vote for me, won't they?"

She didn't think she had the charisma to attract public any other way, so if even trying her best to be good at everything didn't work she was completely lost. Her personality wasn't that likeable to the public seeing how easily they turned their backs on her just after the first couple of programs, so what else could she do? She no longer even dared to check the comments of the program, fearing she would once again lose her determination if she did.

"Heejin, we've already told you more than once that you are the only person who doesn't believe in you. No one knows how the results will turn out, but it's evident that you have the skills, the determination and the mentality for this industry. Stop focusing so much on what people may or may not think! You are you. Do what you want and strive to be who you want to be. You now are Ruby, remember. Shine like a gem," Alix told her. "I know you are already trying and that it's hard to change the way you think, but try to imagine you aren't in the show. What would you do and how would you act? Do just that. That's the only way you will actually be happy no matter the outcome."

"You have us as an example," Lin continued. "We are literally the living proof of what it's like to do just what you want to and not what people ask you to. We make the music we want to, we date who we want to, we live our lives how we want to... That's why we are genuinely happy now. We still have our ups and downs, but we are happy with our lives. No secrets; no nothing."

"A couple of years ago, for example, I was on a rough patch because we were trying really hard to get the first group going and we couldn't because we thought you weren't ready and I blamed it on myself. When you refused to debut I could tell it was partly because of your situation at home and all and I was incredibly frustrated because I couldn't do anything about it." Alix used as an example. "Just recently Soojin was not so great because of her baby situation. We could all tell even Hyunjin was feeling under the weather because they just couldn't seem to get pregnant. What I'm trying to tell you with this is that even when you are living life the way you want to things may not go as planned and you may have rough patches, but at least you can be happy knowing you tried your best and stayed true to yourself, because that's all that matters in the end."

Heejin honestly felt like crying after that. She had only been receiving encouraging messages from everyone, even from her bosses when they too were not okay, so she felt like an idiot for still acting the same way despite everything. She had to stop thinking and start doing.

"Can I ask both of you a favour?" Heejin asked them and they nodded. "Can we make a final song together as the ten of us? All the Breakthrough trainees together. I feel we all need it. I don't want to leave the program without having another song together. One that comes from the heart and not from a task."

"Of course you can," Lin told her. "Actually, why don't you tell Xia to join us on one of the studios? I feel like you two can definitely come up with something good."