Forever Tied to you

12

Mason

Im such an idiot. A major idiot. I mean, as far as kisses go she certainly seemed like she knew what she was doing. It's not like I could read her mind to know she was essentially a first timer.

Perhaps I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, but it just caught me off guard. She had moved her mouth with such refined precision, as if she had perfected the art of kissing over a serious of mistakes and bad nights like most people, when the truth was that she was apparently just naturally talented in the art of kissing.

It was hot.

When she ran off, I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut. I was an asshole and the last thing I needed was for her to loose the comfort we had only just managed to establish. That's kind of why I'm standing outside her door.

I'm not one to apologize usually, but Sophie is different for some reason. I still haven't figured out why, but something about her makes me want her approval. I want her to be as carefree and relaxed as she was on our pretend date, to watch her head tip backwards when she laughs, to see the glimmer of happiness in her eyes that I had found for those brief few hours.

"Come in." He quiet voice came through the door as I turned the handle and walked in.

She was sitting on the bed, her arms hugging her knees as she stared outside the window at the back yard. She looked miserable, almost like we had back tracked to when she first arrived. Only without the crying and terrified expression.

"Soph, look." I struggled to get the words out. "I didn't realize that it was your first kiss, I'm sorry I reacted badly." I attempted to apologize but when she raised her hand to wipe her eye I knew I was failing.

"If it was that bad you could have just said, you didn't have to embarrass me like that." She said, her voice laced with hurt.

"That's not it at all. I, look it was a great kiss, amazing even. I just, I don't know how to do this without it becoming more..." I began to explain. "I can't do relationships Soph. I have been lucky with work because of our arrangement but after Saturday you'll have another week of me and then I'll barely ever be here."

"I know." She shrugged. "Still doesn't help that one of the most important moments of my life is nothing but a blank space in my head." She sighed before casting her bright blue eyes towards me.

"We can re-do it anytime." I offered.

"It's fine, I mean I guess I'll find out in a few days at the wedding anyway." She sighed as an unfamiliar ache formed in my chest.

"Okay." I sounded calmer than I felt as my body reacted quicker than my brain could process and I leaned forward and kissed her head. "I'll be downstairs."

I quickly left the room after that. Obviously I wasn't thinking clearly because if I was, that wouldn't have just happened. I couldn't let myself get attached to Sophie any more than I could let her get attached to me.

If the few relationships I had attempted were anything to go by, getting attached would ruin Sophie. She was too pure, too innocent for me to destroy her in that way and yet the more time I spent around her, the harder it was to resist the pent up primal urges my body was so desperate to feel again.

"You okay?" Mom asked as I filled up a glass of water.

"It will be." I said a little harsher than I meant too.

"Mas.."

"Mom don't. We remember what happened the last time. I can't do that again and I don't want Sophie to have to go through that either. We have an agreement, that, as long as we stick too it, will leave us both minimally scathed."

"Okay, but at your mother I'm going to say this and you can listen or don't. What happened with Sierra wasn't all your fault. You could have done more, but so could she. You need to stop punishing yourself because this guy," she picked up the magazine and held it up, "he looks happier than I have ever seen him."

I knew she was right and yet I couldn't allow myself to believe it was possible for me to have it all. I shook my head and grabbed my keys, heading out of the kitchen towards the front door, right as Sophie was coming down the stairs.

"Mason?" Her voice stopped me in my tracks as I turned to face her.

She walked towards me slowly, one foot at a time as she watched me intently. I could feel my throat going dry with each step as the curiosity in her eyes overshadowed the small glimmer of doubt that she was trying to hide.

"You're leaving?" She asked as she continued to approach me and I suddenly felt like a kid getting reprimanded for doing something wrong.

"Yeah, I'm going to run to the office for a while and then I just need to clear my head a little."

She didn't respond to me, but instead continued to take the few remaining steps towards me. "Be safe and come home when you're ready." She shot me a shy smile and wrapped her arms around me, placing her cheek against my chest.

There was no fighting this. Pushing her away would only make her hate me and with the wedding approaching I needed her to be comfortable enough for this to work. I also really enjoyed feeling her warm body pressed against mine, so instead of pushing her away, I let out a deep breath and pulled her in closer.

I leaned my head down and breathed in the scent of her shampoo, allowing myself for the briefest moment to imagine that this was my life. That someone could be that light in my life that made me try harder.

Just as quick as I let it begin, I also cut it off, giving her a final squeeze before I pulled away.
"Don't worry, I won't be out late." I smiled before I walked out of the house and went to the only place I knew could distract me.