Forever Tied to you

51

Sophie

I never wanted to be the girl that let the past define her, to let it control me until I could no longer function, but I guess that's where I'm at right now. Even in death, Jaxon price is contributing to my misery.

Of course I know what to do, how to make the powerless feeling fade so that I am no longer completely consumed by it. What I don't know, is how to do that without letting someone else carry the weight of my burden.

I walked into the police department, Mia had kindly offered to bring me so I didn't have to be alone and I was so grateful that she had become my best friend.

She didn't react or flinch as I sat and explained every last detail of what happened to the detectives, even when I explained how he had grabbed me, the threats he made, as well as the situation in college that initially started everything.

She didn't even bring it up as we left, instead suggesting we get lunch and distracting me with stories of newborn babies. It was honestly refreshing not to have to think about it, and yet I couldn't figure out why she didn't want to talk about it.

It was only as we were heading back to the house that I decided to ask her about it.

"Mia? Why aren't you asking me questions about everything? I mean everyone else had a million of them?"

"Look, if you want to talk about it I will listen. I'll do whatever I can to make this better for you, but, I have been in your shoes. Before I met Steven I was in a really bad relationship. I tried to hurt myself, tried to escape, and each time the beatings and attacks got worse. Steven helped me escape and as bad as it sounds I didn't even know you could enjoy sex until him." She explained as she turned off the highway down the back roads to their house.

"Sorry, I didn't.."

"Don't be. We are friends Sophie, I actually see you as my best friend, but I also remember not wanting to talk about what happened to me at all. Obviously it doesn't bother me now, I have a great life to be thankful for, but in my experience you have to figure out how to open up and deal with everything on your own time."

"Thanks." I looked at her. "I just don't know how to talk about it. Every time I do I feel like I'm living it all over. I know Mason has questions, but I don't know how to answer them. I just feel like if I tell him, I don't know?" I cut myself off but Mia saw through it.

"You're scared that if you tell him about what Jaxon said about him being trapped that he's going to admit it?"

"I guess. I mean I think the rest he would understand. He already knows what happened in college, I just, I don't think I can live with myself if he told me that he thinks I trapped him into this."

She pulled into her driveway before cutting off the car and turning to face me.

"Sophie, I'm telling you this because it's the truth and not because you need to hear it. Tell Mason when you are ready. I have known him since I met Steven and he has never looked at anyone the way he looks at you. He really does love you, and maybe he did feel trapped, I don't know because only he can answer that. Just make sure that you are ready to hear him out completely,  because how he felt then, may not be how he feels now." She put her hand on my shoulder. "Now let's go get you some baby practice." She smiled and I let the conversation go.

She was right. I needed to be ready to let Mason explain. He deserved to know what was bothering me, and to be able to explain his side of it. He had been nothing but good to me so far, and I owed him that much at least.

Still, I knew deep down that if he felt trapped, even if it was only for a moment, that I would forever feel guilty. This whole relationship was supposed to be straight forward. We stay married for a year, or however long he wanted too, and then we went our separate ways.

Complicated was never supposed to be a factor in any of this. We weren't supposed to mix feelings in, we weren't supposed to end up together because of a child that neither of us planned to have. Yet, as I thought about everything to this point in our relationship, I realized I wouldn't change it. I was falling for him before I got pregnant, I just hoped that was also the case for him.

...

When Steven dropped me off at home later that night I knew what I should do, what was needed, and yet when Mason smiled and pulled me into his embrace I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I couldn't tell him what happened without telling him that a small part of me believed what Jaxon had said. Even then, if Mason said he didn't feel trapped, I knew the accusation that I even considered he was, would hurt him.

I couldn't win.

"I missed you today." He breath fanned my neck as he held me tightly against him.

"I missed you." I spoke into his shoulder. "Thanks for not pushing me. It means a lot. I promise, when I'm ready to talk about it more I'll tell you."

"Shh." He shook his head against me. "Don't even worry about it. I'll be here whenever you are. Take your time okay?" He squeezed me just a little more, settling all the worry in my chest. I never wanted the bubble his arms put me in to pop. "I love you."

"Promise?" I asked.

"I promise. Come on, I think we could both use some sleep."

I followed him up to our room, and in the comfort of his arms under the blankets I found myself relaxed.

"I love you Mase." I mumbled as my eyes closed.

"I love you Soph," he mumbled, holding me a little tighter until we both drifted off.