When Mrs. Infamous Loved The Masochist... (BOOK 2)

Chapter 55

Carina's POV

As much as I wanted to be happy for Remington and his band, my heart was deeply disappointed as I realized I wouldn't be able to spend tonight with him. I appreciated how before his surprise interview with Rolling Stone, Remington wanted tonight to be like a dream and give me so much more than I could ever ask for. Funny how I wanted tonight to be special for him as well by sharing my first time with him, but now I'm not sure I'll still feel like it, especially while he's got bigger things going on. He left early to meet up with his brothers and bandmates as they went over to the studio and meet with someone from the magazine. All the while, I stayed in the hotel suite we were staying and waited for a phone call that never came. Hours passed and it was well past our dinner reservation, and I didn't even have the heart to change into my fancy attire just in case. When Remington came back late that night, he looked guilty for taking longer than expected, but I didn't have the energy to argue about it so I just proposed we turn in and then return home in the morning. He agreed, but sounded like he knew he did something bad.

When we returned to Querencia the next day with the rest of his band, we didn't really say a word to each other and I chose to take a walk by myself to the park to clear my head. Rem didn't argue as he let me go and hoped to see me back at our home, I nodded without saying anything or even looking at him. I took a cab to the park where it was the middle of the day and I sat under a tree provided shade from the bright sun. I looked around and saw happy couples playing in the park and enjoying each other's presence. The sight made me sad as I realized something since last night. As the girlfriend of a soon-to-be rock star, I guess I should have figured Remington and his brothers won't always have time for themselves if they want to keep rising in their fame. I knew Remington has always wanted this and I want him to succeed. But why do I fear that as he gets bigger, our relationship will get weaker? I don't want to believe that's true, but as much as I wanted him to stay with me last night, I couldn't let him pass up such a wonderful opportunity that may never pass for him again. Am I turning into a clingy girlfriend who needs constant attention and time even if he won't always have it for me?

"Carina? ", I turned to find Finn standing close to me and looking like he had something on his mind. I smiled briefly as I greeted him, "Oh, hey, Finn." He waved politely and asked, "Um, hi. Is, um, Remington around?" I shook my head and answered, "No. I kinda need a break from him for a little bit. It's been a rough weekend." He nodded as he fidgeted and seemed nervous, "Listen, Carina, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while now. I was gonna tell you yesterday, but you were out of town so..." Looking up at him, I decided to stand up and face him properly as I replied with, "Okay, you have my attention now. What is it you wanted to tell me?" He looked at me nervously for a almost a minute which made me confused, then he gulped down his pride as he presented a small bouquet of multicolored tulips as he began to declare to me, "Carina, the truth is, I've been in love with you since we were kids and after seeing you again, I realized just how much I love you and wish I could be with you. Is there a possibility that I might have a chance to make you happy if not happier than Remington has been?"

Everything began to tune out around me as I began to process what just happened. My eyes shifted between Finn and the tulips that were beginning to turn blurry and I had to sit back down. Finn kneeled down immediately and asked, "Carina? Are you okay?" I breathing began to get out of rhythm as I beginning to realize, "You're...in love...with me?" He smiled as nodded in confirmation, "Yes, Carina, longer than I realized and I wanted to know if you'd give me a chance." Looking into those eyes, I remembered the young boy who I used to do everything with and thought we'd be friends forever. As much as I wanted to give him the answer that will make him happy, I couldn't lie to him either, "Finn, I'm...I'm so sorry...", his smile already disappeared before I finished my statement, "As much as I care about you as a friend, I don't feel that way toward you. To say I could would be the same as lying." He looked hurt and confused and I wanted him to understand, but then he began to lash out at me.

"But you just said you're going through a rough patch with Remington! It's obvious you're not right for each other and he'd probably make you miserable!" I stood back up as I faced him again and explained, "Just because we're having a bad moment does not mean we aren't right for each other. Remington happens to make me happy and I've been there for him when he needs me. We aren't perfect and never claim to be, but I know I'm with the right guy this time compared to all those years ago when I was naive and stupid." I walked toward him in frustration and he backed away in fear as I continued, "I rejected you as a lover, Finn, you need to deal with it. If you truly love me like you just boldly declared, you'll support my happiness even if it isn't with you. I can't pretend to be your girlfriend, but I'd still love to have you as a friend." A small part of me hoped he'd continue to be a close friend, but his face was anything but accepting as he turned away and walked away, but not before stating, "If you won't return my feelings, I can't stay friends with someone I'm in love with." With that, he threw his tulips in a nearby trash can and left my sight.

Still standing where I was, I felt guilt for rejecting Finn's feeling that sounded genuine and true. But even if he was the most perfect guy in the world who'd die for me, I couldn't lie saying I could feel the same for him when my heart still wanted Remington. Then I thought, why should I feel bad? If I did the wrong thing and chose to be with Finn, I could make him miserable by being with someone I'm not in love with while still being in love with someone else. Nothing sounded worse than living a lie, and if he couldn't understand that, that was his loss and he needed to move on. I did, and I managed to find my own happiness in a new home that felt more like home than my old one. I went back home to Remington and when he saw me, he immediately rushed to me and apologized once more, "Ma chérie, I know you said it was okay, but I'm very sorry I gave up our night to help out the band last night. If things were different, I would have asked for a different time to do it and-" I cut him off by pressing my lips onto his and he didn't hesitate to kiss me back as we held each other there and when I pulled away, I said to him, "Please stop apologizing. I never doubted how much you love me. Just keep reminding me you still do." He gazed intently into my eyes and smiled as he kissed my forehead and rested his on mine, "Not a problem at all, my lovely angel."