Through his eyes

33

The days were going by much faster than I anticipated - it feels like as if Monday was just yesterday and it's already Friday again.

I entered inside our house and threw my backpack in the nearest corner placing my keys on the small table in our hallway, I took off my shoes one noticed a large suitcase just standing there.

Damn I almost forgot that he is leaving today,
I walked further inside and found Will, Zoe and Dad sitting at the dining table.

Zoe's eyes were red and Will seemed not like himself he wasn't yelling or jumping around he was for once actually quiet

"There you are finally" dad said as he got up from his chair walking towards me
"I also wanted to tell you goodbye before I leave"

"I am unbelievably sorry for everything I ever did to you, you don't have to forgive me but I just want to let you know that I'm ready to change and I..." he took a deep breath "I love you I always have and always will - I don't deserve you and I don't deserve it to call myself a father when I miserably failed to be that for you"

"Your mother left because of me and I was so afraid you would too... you remind me so much of her it was to painful looking you in the eyes"

"I am so sorry Theodore"

I felt my chest tighten.

He... he loves me.

All those years I always thought he hated me I was so close to just end it all, I had no one and I felt painfully lonely. I had no dad to teach me how to play baseball or footbal, I had no dad to go fishing with, I had no dad that would throw lame dad jokes, I had no dad to teach me how to repair a broken faucet or car, I had no dad to do my homework with and cry because I didn't understand a single thing,

I had no Dad to grow up with

"I always thought you hated me" I stated looking down
"It was already hard enough growing up without my mother - I just wanted you to be there" I felt my voice crack and couldn't help but let the tears fall down

"It hurts, it hurts so much" I said clutching my shirt tightly where my heart is supposed to be,
from the corner of my eyes I saw Zoe going with Will upstairs.

"I know it hurts" he tried but I quickly cut him off
"You don't know shit!" I almost yelled
"You ruined my life!"
"Theo I'm so sorry"

I saw the pain in his green eyes, his ageing face looking exhausted
"I wanted to die" I admitted
"Theo please don't say such things"
"But it's the truth, it seemed like my only escape" I said wiping my rushing tears away
"I completely understand that you hate me-"
I cut him off again

"Thats the problem - I don't hate you. Even after everything you did I was hoping that one day maybe you would turn into the father I always imagined myself you could be"

"Do... do you think you could ever forgive me?" He asked after a while of silence

"... I don't know"
"Okay" he said nodding slowly

"Here" he said handing a heavy box made out metal
"What's this?"
"Open it when you're alone" he said while taking his suitcase and walking past me towards the door

"How long do you think will you be gone?" I asked not turning around

"At this point I don't know anything anymore" was all he said before I heard the door close shut.

•

•

I spent the rest of the day in my room, the door locked so nobody could enter.