Your arranged marriage to a prominent feudal lord has always been a happy one or so you thought. When he suspects your lack of fertility, he takes up a mistress much to your dismay. Your sister, no less!
The overwhelming depression forces you into...
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"I have high hopes for you, for all my girls." Your mother's words ring kind in your heart despite the sullied nature of the matter. You and both your sisters kneel before her, all beautifully dolled up as usual. Every week, you three perform a tea ceremony for the clan as a gesture of goodwill to your family and prospects that may visit.
The day went well, and now your mother sings her praises as a result.
You smile brightly at her, confident in your performance today. "Thank you. I will do my best to make you proud, mother!"
Her fan blows gently on her face as her amused expression falters. She hides her mouth behind the item to cover her feigned interest. "Will you, dear?"
You don't realize her doubt, not when you are absorbed by your intent to be loved. "I promise I will!"
Her gaze scans your body from the crown of your head down to your manicured fingers. Nothing inspires her. She then proceeds to stare at your younger sister on your left. A smile. Another stare at your eldest sister on your right. A wider smile.
"Do your best to impress me then, [F.Name]."
"Of course!" you chirp.
Your mother departs from the room, leaving only you in all smiles. Your eldest sister stares at you with concern as does your youngest, who speaks her mind. "Are you sure you want to be married, elder sister?"
"Of course, Akane." You appear unfazed by the apprehension. "It's what we studied for. Pretty soon, you too will find someone to cherish and won't that be magical?"
Apathy washes over your eldest sister's expression as she stares ahead. "But who will cherish us?"
Both you and Akane glance over at her. "Elder sister Kaede?"
Kaede gracefully stands to her feet. As always, a tinge of jealousy eats at you. All her movements and poise are effortless while her mind is sharp and full of wit. However, what you hold most for her is admiration and love.
And she knows this. She glances back one last time, uttering her closing comments. "Is to love someone else that important?"
"Kaede?" You are unaware of what she alludes to in her passing remarks, your mind far too skewed to understand.
"Or is to love yourself more important?"
Again, confusion muddies any understanding you have for her questions. After all, she is to wed a prince from a far land. At 18, she did excellent in finding a proper match. Her life is to be full of carefree bliss and love especially when she ascends to be queen. Why must she ask such questions?
Her departure ruins any resolution to your skepticism. You twist your body to face your 11 year old sister. "What does it mean to love yourself?"
