Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Pavana》Masquerade

Reviewer: Mortals_are_dumb
Written by:hharff

Title: 5/5
Title, I would say that it's a perfect choice. 'Masquerade' refers to the pretense done by anyone. It's unique and leaves an impression on anyone who would pick up the book. It suits the storyline too since it's involving drama. 

Cover: 9/10
Firstly, The cover page is gorgeous. I absolutely love the picture chosen. It suits the title a lot. I love the idea of putting a mask beside the face as in saying that it's all about pretending to have what you want. I like the subtitle too. The fonts are chosen wisely. From the first glance, it's giving off mystery thriller vibes. My only suggestion would be to make a little correction in the spacing of the bottom line where the name "disco and dreams" is typed so that it would be easier to read. 

Description: 8/10
I'm not sure if I could say that I'm impressed by the description. Content wise, it's sufficient enough to gain anyone's attention. It's neither too short, nor too long. You could also add some extracts or the lines you've used in your book in the beginning. Or maybe the point where intense drama occurs or anything as such. 

You tend to write sentences that are long and it doesn't always suit the context. A bit of editing is needed here and there. For instance, 
"Damon determines to divulge him at any expense as he reaps on his mettle challenging him, every gamble to his disappointment."

Here, who exactly is he? It gets the reader confused rather than making them curious. You did introduce Damon and Lucifer decently; which I appreciate. But not with proper writing. Let's consider the paragraph introducing Damon. All I see is a lot of information packed together in literally one sentence. 

Your way of writing is attractive but these minor errors will make them blur if you won't correct them. 

Opening chapter: 8/10
Talking about the prologue, it's a good opening and it's certainly something that piques anyone's interest. Prologue is the only chapter that's shorter than other chapters. More like, accurate length. 

The introduction of characters is not done in an impressive manner but I think that's okay. As long as the reader understands the relations and characters properly, it's fine. 

One thing I noticed in prologue that got improvised later on is the huge paragraphs in two or three instances. The description is well written but they could be separated rather than writing them all together. 

The Damon's letter part, I absolutely loved it. Initially I was very focused on how it's written, vocabulary and stuff but the content made me lose myself within those words. I think it's okay to have it written that way since it's the character expressing things. I was reading it at midnight and let's say that your writing did leave a strong impression on me. The certain sentences you write, for instance, "Everybody needs some light to overshadow darkness"- I assure you that they keep a reader's mind busy for longer than you intended while writing them. 

The additional four liners in between gains a plus point. I love those parts where you add such lines. 

Synopsis and plot development: 16/20
From what I figured, Damon is the head of the mafia gang that's dominating the majority of the things. He meets Beatrice with whom he falls in love only to realise that she's got some mystery that might be the key to certain things. There's a lot of characters in the picture and a lot of drama revolving around them both. I assume that Lucifer is the antagonist and is introduced in between the storyline or in upcoming chapters. I'm sure that there's more than a typical mafia romance in your plot that revolves around heartbreaks and betrayal.