Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Sara》Some Days Are Like That

Reviewer: Moon_G0ddess

Client: Yellow_nelo

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#Cover:

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The cover is amazing. I see how much it depicts the story, and how it tells the readers what to expect in your book. It matches the vibe almost perfectly. And the colors are suitable too. It reflects the gloominess that could be found inside the book. But I would like it better if the title was moved a little bit up. You have an amazing picture there, so don't cover it with the title. And perhaps if you could make the author's name a little bigger. And the moon is a little too gloomy. If it shines brighter with some stars around, to represent how the clouds above her head are preventing her from seeing the beauty of the moon, but it's still there nonetheless. I want to see some hope in there too.

#Title:

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I didn't like the title much. It gave the feeling that you haven't put any effort in choosing it. It doesn't connect to the story that much, and doesn't have any attraction whatsoever. If you're having a bad day, you might say to yourself: 'meh, some days are like that' to cheer yourself up, but that's certainly not the case with Amara. Her life was ruined and she was seriously considering suicide. To say it like that, it's either you're underestimating her pain or making fun of it, which is not good either way. You need a more heartfelt title. Something that might insinuate the deep pain that she's feeling, or something that is about the hope that can bring someone back from the brink of destruction. Something that would resonate with your readers. This title could be more befitting of a Humor story.

#Blurb:

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I'm sorry to say that you haven't done well with the blurb. To start off, you just took an excerpt from the story and put it in place of a blurb. Then again you haven't done anything from the basics of making a synopsis of your book. You ended with the logline, which should be at the very beginning of your blurb. To say the truth, the logline was the only thing I liked there. So how about you put it first. And then, to make a good blurb, start by introducing your character, Amara. Some light introduction to tell why we should read her story. Then you put the conflict, which is, in this case, Amara's fall from a great life to a ruined one. Then finish with the climax, which is Amara's decision to end her life and how something unexpected happens then, or you could just end with: would she be able to end her life? Or would fate have another saying in the matter?

#Plot:

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The plot is good. I liked it. It was different and unique, but poorly executed. You start well, but then jump seven years into the future, and it becomes really confusing. Suddenly, we're at the point where she's considering suicide and actually going for it. When I first started reading, I thought you were going to take us on the journey which led to her decision to end her life, but it turned out, you weren't. When I scrolled to the second chapter, I thought you made a mistake by putting the blurb there, but it turned out you took the blurb from the second chapter. As you can imagine, it was a mess in my mind. And why did you do it? Just because the first chapter was a build off to Chike's introduction. That was a bad move if you ask me. Want my advice, forsake the first two chapters and start over. How? You might ask. I'll tell you. First, to make it more emotional and relatable to your readers, start right before everything went down. Perhaps Amara could be going home with a wedding dress in her hand. She's so happy and excited because soon she will be marrying the love of her life. She can't help but take it out and try it again in front of her mirror when she gets home. She thinks about her fiancé and how they met and how perfect he is. She then remembers her best friend and wishes she was there with her now, or that at least she could have had her number to call her now and share her happiness. Then she gets the call telling her that her shop has burnt down. Devastated, she tries to go to her fiancé, only to find out he has a family, and is cheating on her, and has never intended to marry her from the beginning. Even more devastated, she tries to pull herself together but fails, because she realizes she's lonely and has no one and nothing now. You see, this way you can play on your readers emotions and make them sympathize with Amara. Then we go to Chike's part. You said it yourself, you didn't do him justice. So when you exclude the first chapter, you can tell it all from Chike's PoV, which should be enough then. Or you could do it your way. The point is your plot needs improvement, more work. But it is amazing and very unique indeed, an original idea that I haven't read anything like before. And the idea of the story being based in Nigeria is something I haven't seen before either, so I liked everything about your plot, except the way it was executed.