Jackal Jim: The Hunt Is On by JohanLiebert33
Reviewer: Moon_G0ddess
Cover:
The cover is so beautiful and fitting for the genre. In fact, I loved it so much. The picture, the color, the font, everything is amazing, especially the color. But what's bad and should be done better? The title is written perfectly, but only half of it. The subtitle, 'The Hunt Is On', is written in red color, making it blend with the background, and so it's hard to read. The same happened with the Author's name. It's even worse with the author's name that I can't read it at all. And if you could raise the title above one tiny bit, so the silhouettes would be more visible, because they have a very special effect on the cover. That's all for the cover.
Title:
The title is amazing. So mysterious and attractive. I could almost hear it, see the action in it. But there's one thing I'd like to talk about. The subtitle. You've written it right on the cover, with capitalized letters. But in the title itself, you didn't. Instead of 'The hunt is on' you should keep it capitalized. By using small letters, you've made the subtitle sound insignificant somehow.
It should be :
Jackal Jim: The Hunt Is On
Blurb:
Blurb is... not so good. To be honest with you, it cannot be considered a blurb. Let's try and talk about how you should write it. First off, excerpts. If you want to include an excerpt from your story, you can choose a catchy line from the book and add it at the beginning of the blurb, but make sure it's just that, a line.
Just one or two lines, four at maximum. Something with enough suspense in those few lines to draw your readers. Set it apart from the rest of the blurb somehow.
("I would burn them all with my fire," Alex said, her icy blue eyes glowing with the desire to kill, and her silvery strands crackling with the electrical charge running through her entire body. "I would make them dance with death the way my entire village did when they arrived to claim what was never theirs.") End of excerpt.
Then start with a logline, or a catch-phrase, as some may call it. This is optional, but to explain it further, it is usually one phrase that sums up the story without giving away much, but at the same time with enough mystery and hook to draw your readers attention. It should leave your readers wondering what happens next. So they move on to the blurb.
Example of a logline:
"After losing everyone and everything she loved in the blink of an eye, Alex picks up her hunting bow again, but this time, she won't be hunting little rabbits."
See, it mostly sums up the story, but without giving away any plot twists or important storylines. We know Alex is the main character, she lost her family somehow, and now she wants revenge. But how did that happen and how will she do this? Read on to know, that's what your logline says.
Then you move on to the blurb itself. First, you should keep it brief. Second, you should definitely introduce your main character and their main goal in the story. Who is Jim exactly, and how old is he. You could also introduce the antagonist, if there's any, and how they might affect the story. You should include the conflict, or what might be keeping the protagonist from getting to their goal, and then end with a conclusion that has a climax. Insert enough suspense to make your readers curious about the book. End the blurb with high stakes.
"Now the childish hunt is over, and Alex realizes that if she wants to avenge her family and loved ones, she will have to declare war. But how can an army of a sixteen-year-old girl, a chieftain's young son, three children, and a lone wolf win a war against an army of a dozen thousand invaders?"
Note: I would've used your characters and your plot, but I didn't get to know much about them from the short chapters that have been published so far.
Two things that should've been there but aren't: Mature, and all rights reserved. Your book is definitely marked mature for violence, blood and gore, and use of curse words. Then the public domain problem. Public domain means no one owns this work, not even you. Anyone can use it without permission. Do you want that? I think not, so if you want your work to belong to you and only you, mark it with 'All rights reserved' meaning you retain all rights to the book, only you can publish it under your name, and anyone who wants to use it, let's say a publisher, will need your permission to publish the book under your name and pay for that permission.
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