Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Blazé》Him

Reviewer: -taeyze-
Client: itz_army_bish
Title: Him

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[PS: Reviewed all chapters.]

Cover: 2/5
The color combination and contrast is appealing. The minimal and simple look makes the cover pretty too. Though, apart from the title, other texts are not clear. But the cover doesn't go with the story at all. I don't understand why you gave it a dark filter. You should've chosen a bright cover instead.

Title: 2/5
I'm not quite sure if this is an appropriate title, because personally, I think it's kinda lame. At first I thought it would involve some mystery as such about the ML, but it didn't. And considering that, I don't think the title is very good.

Blurb: 3/5
The content seems fine, and enough to hook a reader, though the description of the story part could be changed and made better; you may change the narrative a little bit or frame it better. You may change the font style of the text as well. It isn't very pretty. Also, you might as well try to use better text aesthetics to beautify the text. The divider is out of place as well. But, I couldn't seem to find the relation between the blurb and the story.

Plot: 2/5
Common. Cliché. In short I'd describe the plot with these words. The plot had nothing unique. A simple crush romance, with cliché misunderstandings, common happenings; dreams, bullying. You outstretched the things that didn't have to and shrunk what had to be dragged.

Execution of the plot: 2/5
It wasn't that great, but okayish. You could've done a better job at that. Using some of your own plot twists and events to make it fun and unique would've been great. You didn't create enough events to connect the plot firmly, rather just put in the incomplete fragments.

The idea of the story: 1/5
It's very common. It's only romance-centered. Apart from romance, and the cliché high school drama for love, you could've added some ambitious elements which could've driven the story in a better way, definitely involving the love.

Originality: 1/5
This storyline is very common and I've read a ton of books like this so things were very predictable without any original plot twists to create interest.

Writing Style: 2/5
It's fascinating how you start your books with an intro, as I've noticed in your previous book as well. Though, the style is all same. You might try keeping something different everytime. Next thing, do not leave so much space that feels endless between two scenarios. Rather, use some text divider or simply adapt the writing style accordingly. To scroll this much gets annoying. Also, the speech is very confusing. You need to fix that. Also, the writing style isn't very appealing and doesn't really hook the reader to it; it isn't really boring but not interesting either. The transition to the next statements, or topics, or scenarios aren't well written. You should connect the statements to each other and create the momento of reading rather than just putting in the direct statements. The sentences are out of places too sometimes. Also, you switch from writing in side alignment to center alignment, it's better to simply right in left alignment. Don't write in centre alignment.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 2/10
There are quite many grammatical errors throughout the book. Common errors like capitalisation, ellipsis, sentence formation, and such are there. Vocabulary isn't that great either. Wrong phrases have been used, at wrong times. There also seems to be misunderstanding about the meaning of certain words and phrases in your mind. There are places where you have used wrong voacbulary. You might want to proofread the whole book thoroughly to get rid of these errors. Also, I have seen that you have used slangs and written very casually, though it was better by the end of the book, the first half of the book contains very casual language. Abbreviations are also overly used in the first few chapters. It's recommended not to use casual writing style and frame proper sentences with proper references, unless it's a text fic because others might not understand the abbreviations and slangs that yu are using. It's better to be professional in your writing. There's some issue with the povs as well. You mentioned third person pov but the text is in first person, then back to third person; it keeps switching without mention at times. You would have to fix that too.