Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Kailyn》Tales of the Black Sheep

Reviewer: Kailucy

Client: jdcallis12

Thank you so much for asking me to review!

Cover: 9/10

Honestly, I really like the cover. The color scheme is great and it caught my eye right away. I like how simple it is and it still goes with the title perfectly.

Title: 9/10

I like the title a lot. It has a good flow to it. It goes wonderfully with the plot.

Blurb: 8/10

The blurb is decent but there are a few mistakes.

"Do things get better?" Noah mumbles, her eyes glued to her fingers as they fiddle around with a fidget toy.

"Honestly..." Min Jae sighs. "We can only breathe once we graduate and leave home for good."

"You think school and home are the only hell we're facing?" Dominique scowls and nods at Noah's bruised face. "It's everywhere! This whole town of Morganworth breathes hell!"

*****

Senior year at Morganworth International School is a relentless battle for best friends Min Jae, Noah, and Dominique.

Amidst finding themselves, their once-solid friendship begins to fracture under the weight of unrequited love, bitter rivalries, and the suffocating grip of family drama.

With every turn, the trio must rise above their own personal wars, where every choice will determine their fate.

Will their bond withstand the test or will their troubled pasts unravel everything they hold dear?

I believe I got them all but of course, there's always room for me to be wrong. But I got the most noticeable ones at least.

Character/Character development: 9/10

Already in the first five chapters, there's a lot of character building. I love how you drop hints about the characters more than just tell about them. It makes it fun to read and learn about them. So far there isn't much development but there are only four chapters so I don't really expect much of it yet, I do see lots of room where it could happen though so I'm gonna take that as a good sign that it will happen when it's time.

I absolutely love the character dynamics and friendships written. I'm very curious to see what will happen in Noah and Seg's relationship. Kinda hope she dumps him, but I almost always advocate for breaking up (it's a character flaw I know)

The tension between Noah and her mom is compelling and I wonder how that's going to play out.

Plot: 18/20

The plot is paced perfectly and it caught my attention. It's kinda how to base it right now though since there aren't that many chapters. This would've been one of the stories I probably would've read more to be able to review this area better.

So far I think you have the right amount of tension and you have several places where it could go so that's good. The characters are interesting enough to hold a reader's engagement so that's also good. I think you're on the right track. Keep it up.

Writing Style: 19/20

Love the details and descriptions. The writing is engaging and easy to read. The only issue is some of the grammar and spelling mistakes. (I'll focus on this in the next section.). Other than that your writing is amazing!

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 8/10

I detailed a lot more in the first 3 chapters. For some reason, I can't find my notes for chapter 4. Maybe I didn't catch as many or something. If the word is capital that's the correction to the mistake. I also won't write out the whole line I'm just trying to give an idea of where it's at so it'll be easier to fix.

Chapter one:

The paragraph where they're at the house. It would sound more natural to say, "We head to the front door," or "We make our way to the front door."

"Poor dude. The LEASH around his neck..."

"With her boyfriend somewhere in the HOUSE..."

Chapter two:

"Bro, no." add a "." or a "!" since it's an action and not describing how the character is speaking.

Chapter three:

"A slow grin creeps across Cynthia's FACE as she SHUFFLES..." The 1st problem is that it needs a distinguisher. "A slow grin creeps across Cynthia's" doesn't make sense. The second is to keep it in the right tense.

Basically, the main issues I found weren't bad at all and they weren't everywhere. Mainly some things were spelt wrong or didn't sound natural.

Enjoyment: 10/10

I really enjoyed this and I added it to my library for updates.

Overall: 90/100

Overall, you have the start of a potentially great story. So far the only issue is spelling. Everything else I think will improve as it goes on. The characters already have so much personality and I think there's definitely several ways the plot could go. Keep it up!