Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Borb》Her Lost Dimension

Her Lost Dimension (by ClaireMari29)
*Note: Chapters 1-5 were read

Book cover - 4.5/5

The aesthetic and color palette is very cute. My only qualm is that I can’t read the text at the top; if it’s very important, like an author name or subtitle, I suggest you resize it.

Book title - 5/5

I think it’s a good title that suits the book’s theme very well!

Book description - 2/5

It’s wordy and has grammatical errors, in the other hand I like the aesthetics you incorporated! I also like that you opened and ended it with thought-provoking quotes. Since the description is fairly short here is how I’d rewrite it:

“Consider Your Wishes Carefully!”
         
Andrea Alcantara, a 20-year-old business student, is looking for a new reality for herself that is free of chaos and filled with peace, happiness, and harmony. She’s had enough after 19 years of abuse and difficulty caused by her parents’ expectations.

Once she found this new reality, Andrea didn’t know if she can embrace it; she would be permanently distorted and locked in a spot where the impossible into it reality. She is torn between two instincts: yearning for her former, normal life or staying in this supernatural world. 

Andrea now has to embark on a life-changing adventure. She’s about to ride an emotional and situational roller coaster and discover many ideals that she can apply to herself.

Will she return to her true life? Will she leave her imagined reality behind, or not?
              
“I will accept the repercussions since I wished for this!”

Prologue - 3/5
(This covers “Author’s Message and Story FAQ” to “Prologue”)
I’m not familiar with Tekken so I appreciate that you introduced me to its characters first. I also like the aesthetics and character designs you made, very unique and cute!

Like the book description, from the “author’s message” to “chapter 5” there are wordiness and grammatical errors (more on that in the “Grammar” section of this review). I followed the plot easily and although it’s cliche, I think it was executed alright. I was confused whether Andrea should be a protagonist I sympathize with or not. I think you’re trying to go for the former, but the way she treated the old registrar made me feel otherwise.

I suggest you make the transition of Andrea’s parents abusing her to her comforting herself more realistic. You can do this by adding a scene where Andrea cries and thinks self-deprecating thoughts, basically a depressive episode/mental breakdown.

Plot - 9/20

For Chapter 1, I like how you detailed the life and mannerisms found in Tokyo, Japan! It helped me get my bearings after the sudden change of worlds. I also liked how you ended on a  cliffhanger with Bryan Fury. I would’ve liked to see more on why Sanu was so trusting and generous to Andrea, and how he feels as someone who is self-aware that he’s just in a “fictional world.”

Chapter 2 was alright, I wished I saw more fighting between Andrea, Bryan and Bob so I could see more of Andrea’s extensive knowledge on Tekken put into action. I feel like the conversations between Andrea and Bob were a bit rigid, by which I mean, it felt like Bob was just a plot device for us to get to know Andrea more. You can change the dialogue and add more mannerisms (i.e. hand gestures, his favorite food and shops) to show more of Bob’s personality.

Chapter 3 just repeated what we already know, Andrea’s backstory and knowledge of the Tekken universe, so it felt a bit boring. I also don’t understand why Lei would broadcast an interview with her - I imagine that, following a realistic policeman, the interrogation would be private and broadcasted only if Andrea is put on trial. Also, why would Andrea need to be taken into custody? Sanu already did, so I find this very confusing. Is she seen as a threat to Tokyo? A very valuable asset that needs to be protected?