Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Blade》Bottles - Hearts

REVIEW - BOTTLES – HEARTS (YOURS-EXE)
(First 7 poems were reviewed)

REVIEWER - DeathBlade__

Title: 7.5/10

Book: 2.5/5
The title is the same as one of the poem titles. While that is okay, I don’t think it represents the whole anthology of poems. All of them are quite different in themes and it doesn’t encompass the whole book. I’d suggest you keep something different. One-word titles are great for poem anthologies and you should look into that.

Poem: 5/5
The tiles for each of the poems fit perfectly. They resonate with the individual poem and also sound great. It’s really good and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Cover: 4/5
The title is minimalistic. The font used is really good, it takes the attention away from the background and onto the text which I thought was perfect. Although, just like with the book title, I feel it only resonates with one poem, her. There is a comparison with the ocean for which the current cover fits but it doesn’t fit with the rest of the book.

Other than that, I think it looks really good! The cover is well done!

Blurb: 2/5
There isn’t much to the blurb. Again, it’s the same issue I had with the title and the cover - it only represents one poem. In this case, you just put one of your poems as the blurb and I’m not a fan of that.

You could add some quotes in the beginning, they work really well with poems. Instead of showcasing only one of your poems, you could talk about the poems as a whole. You could tell what they were about, for example, you could mention that they’re an allegory.

Even mentioning that they are poems written by you, filled with emotion (etc) would be better than just attaching one of your poems

Meaning: 10/10
I loved the meaning behind your poems. They invoked emotions in my heart. Of course, there were a few I liked more than the others but as a whole, I really loved them! This is what I thought about each of them,

bottles – hearts: It did everything the first chapter (or in this case poem) should do. I enjoyed it enough to want to continue and I was not disappointed. I loved the comparison between bottles and hearts. Obviously, it is not a common one (people usually compare hearts to cages) but the way everything was laid out in the poem was done in a not-jarring way.

her: In the poem, I really liked when you compared her eyes with the burning wood. I liked the way you reached that conclusion (from the ocean’s blue color to its contrast against her brown eyes), it was executed really well.

drunk: This poem was also done really well. You were dealing with a sensitive topic but it wasn’t too obvious. Of course, it wasn’t hard to understand, it just needed a bit of analyzing (which is a great thing.) I loved all the lines, especially the lines Chest heaving with quite no motion - sinking hair, fingers wrinkled. It described her state in a way a novel might, which I found really unique

inked: In this poem, I really, really liked how the metaphor tied in. At first, you were praising the bittersweet beauty of Autumn and I was in awe of the way you brought the girl's state into it. She is dying from the inside, smiling from outside was the perfect way to tie things together!

rose: This is hands down the best poem in the whole anthology! It has my favorite comparison and the theme of the poem is also my favorite. I love how you really made a character out of the poem. He seems very complex, one who might have a very interesting backstory and that is not something you find in poems often.
The comparison between his personality and the thorns in the roses is immaculate!

promises: This was the most relatable poem in my opinion. Its theme was closely related to betrayal and breaking promises, which is quite common.
They’re meant to be broken… they’re meant to break someone this line sent chills.

hues: What I liked about this poem was that it felt like the continuation of rose (which just happens to be my favorite) the similar themes made it really interesting for me!

Overall, I love the meaning behind your poem. More than anything, I love the metaphors and the way you compare two seemingly unrelated things. I have nothing bad to say, I truly enjoyed them!!

Poetic Devices: 7/10
I loved the metaphors a lot! Every single poem had a comparison which I cannot complain about. However, Other than that, there weren’t any more poetic devices that I could see.

You had a rhyme scheme (sort of) in drunk and hues.
drunk: it was only noticeable in 2 instances, with spoken-motion and uneven-woven. I felt that if you were to keep a rhyme scheme, why not continue it in the other lines as well? Another thing is that in this poem, I notice that the tenses changed quite often. For example,
Spins - is in the present tense, spoken - is in the past tense. This continues for a while before remind - turned into past tense again.

hues: The rhyme scheme in this I liked a lot better. The only thing I’d suggest is that you change the first two lines. Both of them rhyme but with the same word (seems is repeated twice to make it rhyme, the same case with water)

promises: In this poem, bars were separated (b a r s) and it didn’t quite get why. If there isn’t a specific reason, you should change that.

Usually, I don’t look for poetic devices a lot in poems as long as the meaning redeems it. While I do love the meanings of each and every poem, it lacked many poetic devices that could have been used. They don’t need to be anything major, even something small could enhance the poems (alliteration, consonance, etc).

Another thing I could suggest is you could write with enjambments. A lot of the sentences continue to the next sentence as well, except there is a full stop separating them. For the pattern of your poems, I’d say you could keep the punctuation to a minimum

Other than these, there aren’t any issues I found with the poems

Overall Impression: 10/10
I enjoyed the poems a lot. Even the issues that I mentioned aren’t huge (although they can enhance the poems). I loved the meanings of each poem and I can see the poems will only get better!

Good luck with your future poems, and any new writing endeavors.

Total: 40.5/50