Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《June》A Wedding Investigation

Client: inlovewsleep

Reviewer: june_berrin

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

It was a great story, and I enjoyed it.

❥ Title/Cover: A beautiful and well-designed cover I love the colour scheme used, and the font and placement of the title on the cover are all very well done. Hats off to the designer! A good cover is essential to attracting readers, which is also something most Indian fanfic writers forget to do, so great job not missing it. Also, your cover shows the two main characters that are essential to the story, which I believe somewhat fits the appearances of Nadini and Maholtra. A straight-to-the-point title that immediately targets the right audience gives the readers the gist of the plot.

❥ Blurb: The blurb is written well with the use of a great thesaurus. I would recommend using a scene from your story that is enticing or something more to give your blurb a bit more flavour. Though I am thoroughly impressed with the perfect grammar and punctuation you used, which is quite rare, and the content of your blurb is good, I suggest you add a bit more. The blurb also comes with a little character background, letting the readers grasp a bit about the plot and how it may play out. Also, there are many things you could add to your blurb to make it more interesting to the readers. Some of them are adding rhetorical questions to create tension, which would help keep your readers engaged. Consider using powerful verbs and try rephrasing some parts of your blurb. Maybe even add a quote on top (completely optional) to set the mood for the story. Overall, a well-structured blurb.

❥ Storyline: I love the enemies to lovers type of trope used in the story. Even though it is quite common, I can see that you have added a touch of your own to it, making it stand out a bit from the pile of other books. The first chapter was great, but I might say it is not very interesting, as the first chapter is where the reader decides if they wish to read the story or not.

One of the problems is that you need to incorporate the 'Show Not Tell' thing a bit more into the first chapter. Even though you are using the third-person narrative, that doesn't mean you can just info dump everything about Nandini in the first chapter. I highly recommend trying to break this lump of information down into bits and bobs and slowly entering it in between her interactions with other characters or in between her thoughts, which you can add to give your characters more depth. Her breakup with her boyfriend and her brother are some of them that I would recommend breaking away from. The information about Nadini's brother can be inserted at the part where she tries to video call her brother, and if you feel that is too far and that you want to introduce him earlier on, then consider introducing him in between Alya's and Nadini's interaction. It could be a subtle inquiry about Nadini's brother's well-being from Alya, and then you could use Nadini's train of thought to fill in the rest.

Other than that, I like how the rest of the chapter plays out. Especially with the use of the thesaurus, which is not too much or too little, you have a perfect balance in the middle and can use better common word replacements without disrupting the flow of the story or contradicting the meaning of the context. Overall, great job!

❥ Content: I would recommend maintaining consistent chapter lengths. Each chapter has proper content and flows from one chapter to another effortlessly. I love how you added cliffhangers at the end of the story. And the way each chapter slowly builds up the plot

❥ Characters: I love how each character is portrayed and developed in the story. You are good at relationship dynamics and have an upper hand in character development, for which you have my respect. Each character is given unique traits and personalities, making it easy to remember them. And you have also used names that are memorable to the readers.

Nadini is an ambitious woman who has set her priorities straight. I am personally a fan of her inner remarks to some of Alya's questions, which add humour to the story and engage the readers more. She is funny, a well-organised person, and most of all, a good observer and a great friend to Alya.

Malhotra is a complicated person. I feel like he is the type of person who is often misunderstood by others but has a soft, good heart. He seems to be someone who would drive Nadini to her end with his witty remarks to her, which deeply elevated the chemistry between the two. There are many more characters like Alya, Alya's mother, Rose, etc., who were all well-developed with personalities of their own. Overall, great work.

❥ Grammar and Vocabulary: The grammar is alright with no major issues, and neither is the punctuation. The vocabulary is perfect, and you have used words that fit the context and not ones that would deteriorate the meaning, which is also one of my major issues in writing! So great work there!

❥ Reader's Enjoyment: As a reader, I find the story very enjoyable and has proper plot pacing that is neither too fast nor too slow. There is anticipation and a proper plot with a compelling promise of a great story to look forward to as a reader. So great job!

❥ Conclusion: The story is great and has a lot of potential. I enjoyed it. So, for some extra suggestions, I would say the author could incorporate a bit of poetic and metaphoric expression into the story to enhance the level of writing to a higher quality. For this, I recommend reading other stories from successful authors and carefully analysing how they do it. Plus, doing this would also help to improve your writing style and grammar much more. So it's a win-win. Other than that, there is nothing more I could say. Overall, I wish you luck and hope that my review has helped you better your story. Remember, I may have given you a lot of suggestions, but those are from my point of view, and as you may be aware, everyone has a different point of view, so please don't take any of these to heart. If I have hurt you with my words, then I apologise. I hope you have a great day.

Best Wishes.