Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Blade》The Wolf In Me

REVIEW - THE WOLF IN ME (07_Kitten
(Reviewed the first 3 chapters)

NOTE FROM REVIEWER: DeathBlade__
Hello, I'm so sorry for the delay! I had a lot of work piled up and couldn't complete the review on time. In fact, I wanted to read more before giving out the review but I realized I simply don't have time for that, hence the less number of chapters. Any which way, thank you so much for your patience! I hope the review helps!
Title: 3/5
The title is apt for a book talking about Werewolves. However, it's much too common. On Wattpad alone, you can find many books with a similar title and this doesn't allow your book to stick out.
I won't say that having a topic generic to the theme is bad (more often in pulls readers in) but it would have been more enticing if it was a little different. Other than that though, I don't see any issues.
Cover: 4.5/5
The cover looks beautiful; the colors are simply amazing and the black silhouette of the wolf and the text really goes along with all the other elements. It's a simple cover but it's designed really well.
The only other thing - and this is the same as the title - is that this cover could fit any werewolf book. Again, it isn't a completely bad thing but having hints of your plot would give the cover more personality.
Blurb: 3/5
The blurb as a whole is wonderful. It gives many details which rounds up the plot pretty well. However, there are some individual sentences that could be formatted better.
Example:
> What many of the villagers didn't know was that the caves were occupied by a group of people called werewolves.
What many of the villagers didn't know was that the cave was occupied by a queer group; werewolves. (I recommend this change or anything else like it because using the word person kind of denies the fact that they're different from people)
> One day Ayesha's brother Jack comes to the school. He needs to tell Ayesha something. He has bit a student in her class.
And to Ayesha's disappointment it is the most popular guy in school-Dylan Ameron. The guy she doesn't dare to talk to because of her crush on him.
I don't suggest splitting these two paragraphs. Instead, merge them into one since they talk about the same event.
You could use it like this - One day, Ayesha's brother comes to her school because he needs to tell her something; he bit a student in her class. In a shocking turn of events, it ends up being the most popular guy in school - Dylan Ameron - a guy she doesn't dare to talk to because of her crush on him.
This is just a suggestion (you could change it in any way you please) I just wrote down what I would have done personally.
Other than that, the blurb is a solid one.
Writing Style: 6.5/10
Something I felt from the get-go was that the writing style could be improved a little. The first chapter piqued my interest a lot but it felt as if the writing style undersold it. This was something I felt in the further chapters as well.
The issue is not too serious but I feel like the writing didn't describe as much as it could have. There are several instances where I would have liked to see more but I didn't.
Prologue:
- Caleb feels betrayed by Ayesha and she has the feeling that she betrayed him as well. Mind you, I have no sympathy for Caleb but their relationship was so well formed from the first prologue itself! It would have felt so real if we saw more of the betrayal and shock from him but those scenes were rushed.
- The phrase rivers of tears was repeated quite a lot. There are better, more in-depth manners to describe tears, especially in such a powerful scene so you could always switch to alternatives/ more unique ways of describing those tears.
- You have a sentence Melissa gave them an angry look which again, could have been elaborated. What her son did is despicable but it's still her son so I would have loved to see a torn reaction from her. Else, if she's supposed to be an unreasonable character, you could have shown all her wrath, it would have been immensely interesting.
Chapter 1:
- In the first chapter, we see a big shift from what happened in the prologue. This is to be expected since prologues usually don't follow the same timeline as the rest of the plot. However, the rape was something that affected Ayesha and it probably always will. I would have liked to see how it affects her/does she do things differently due to it. Without this, the scene seems rather unnecessary. When tragedy happens it leads to huge changes and these changes could be described through little movements.
- You have a sentence Now, dear reader, let me introduce you... My suggestion, don't break the fourth wall. It felt rather abrupt compared to the rest of your writing style.
- I will give credit where credit is due: I like how Ayesha feels fleshed out as a character (more on this later). Her best friend raped her and she hates him for it but she hasn't forgotten the time they spent as friends and this was described really well.
Chapter 2:
I don't have any specific instance from Chapter 2 to point out but it's a mixture of all the things I've noted above.
Overall, this isn't too much of a hindrance. Personally, though, I'd really like to see more in-depth details which seem to be lacking right now. However, it's not an unfixable issue and a little editing can fix the matter.
Grammar: 7/10
Grammar was the other aspect that undersold the book. From what I noticed, the mistakes aren't deliberate (they mostly never are) they just feel like typos or accidents. A quick re-reading is sure to fix the issue immediately and you might spot the errors that you missed the first time. Still, I noted down a few of them to narrow down the search.
PS: I won't be typing the entire sentence which needs to be corrected, only bits of it.
Prologue:
- You wrote with my only and best friend change it to with my best and only friend.
- Not more simple than that - change it to no simpler than that.
- Who turns out to only be a bribe, lure them to their death - change it to who, turns out, is only a bait to lure them to their death
- It was only the boys who got executed. At least this way - change it to It was only the boys who were punished, at least in this manner.
- I had looked into many numerous eyes - either omit many or omit numerous.
- where a certain woman catched my eye - change it to caught my eye
- if your friends pleads for you - change it to if your friend* pleads for you.
- But Emanuel wasn't moved - change it to But Emanuel didn't move
Chapter 1:
- Dylan stood there looking disappointing at Nicole - change it to disappointed
- Her eyes glowed with hate - change it to hatred
- Nicole is too manipulating - change it to manipulative.
Chapter 2:
- A few more howlings
- the howling that came
- The howling came again
In all the above cases, change howling to howl.
- I maybe didn't know what - omit maybe
- But then it was already too late - omit then
Now, keep in mind that not all of these are errors per se. Sometimes the sentence wasn't well-formed (in my opinion) so I changed it up a little. You needn't follow these blindly but do look into it whenever you are free.
As you can see, the errors aren't too huge and can be fixed easily. However, I do recommend a grammar app (like Grammarly) as it helps points out mistakes that we may not have noticed before (god knows I do it all the time).
Plot: 7/10
The plot alone has an interesting premise. I was hooked by the prologue itself which means it has a great impact on the readers. However, it's how it works with the other elements that are lacking, aka, the execution.
Prologue:
- I love the first sentence, it sends chills down the reader's spine and was an incredible hook.
- Throughout the chapter, there was a sense of mystery in the air that I really enjoyed. You allowed the readers to be curious and anticipate for the events to unfold which made the reading process so much better.
- Honestly, when it comes to the plot alone, I have no complaints about the prologue. It is my favorite chapter out of the three!
Chapters 1 and 2:
- This is where things started to change a bit. As I've already mentioned, I don't expect the prologue to be connected but the vibe of the story changed. It felt like it was turning into high school drama rather than a novel about werewolves.
- This was not a complete turn-off because I know that somewhere along the line, Dylan will become a werewolf which will definitely shift the plot again. However, I just couldn't ignore the cliches.
- It has the same formula of the typical mean girl, the nerdy main character, and the popular guy who just so happens to notice her. This was a little disappointing because I truly did love the prologue and something closely related to that would have been wonderful. Even this isn't too bad but we could have done without the cliched.
- There were also little aspects that pushed the plot forward which seemed a bit too convenient.
- For example, it's too convenient that Dylan randomly approaches Ayesha even though they haven't ever talked before. He even says that Nicole is keeping him from his true love (possibly Ayesha) but they've never spoken. It feels like it's going too quickly.
- The main factor in Dylans's transformation (I'm guessing) is that his howls attracted Jake who bites him. However, what was the reason for Dylan to continue to howl? It was like he had a death wish of sorts and that's what moved the plot forward.
- One thing I did enjoy in this sequence was Nicole. She seems to have something on Dylan, something he doesn't want coming out, so much so that he's dating her against his will. This is something I'd definitely like to learn about.
The plot, coupled with the writing style did not reach the potential it could have. Again, this is only from a small chunk of chapters. I'm almost certain that after Dylan gets bitten, the dynamics will change and shift away from the high school drama. However, in these many chapters, it really stuck out.
Characters: 7/10
Honestly, I'm really torn when it comes to the characters. The prologue set the bar so high and it felt like the next to chapters reverted to the cliches. Let me explain.
Ayesha: I've mentioned this before but I loved how much depth she had. She'll probably never forgive Caleb for what he did but she misses him as the best friend he used to be. I could not have asked for better exposure within the first part I read itself! However, at school, she just seems to be a nobody who is, for some reason, noticed by the most popular guy. That's the reason I'm torn. I completely admire one side of her but the other is too cliche.
Dylan: We don't know much about him except that he could be put in the popular boys' clique. He notices Ayesha all of a sudden, even though he never has before. In fact, he's gone so far as to say the words love (although not directly to her) which is completely unexpected. I can't comment too much on his character yet but I'm really hoping he is one that will be developed more (it probably will since he will undergo a massive change)
Characters always need a lot of work. I really suggest putting in that time because nothing gets readers more excited than an interesting bunch of characters (excluding the plot of course).
Overall Enjoyment: 3.5/5
- I would have probably enjoyed the book a lot more if I read more chapters (so sorry, I really don't have time). But from what I've read, the plot is promising. There are so many things that can be developed, making the base of the plot simply amazing.
- Keep working on the book, develop and cover all bases and I believe that you'll have a really interesting book. Do look into some of the things I've said and I hope that this review helps!
- Good luck!
Total: 41.5/60