Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Blade》Deals

Reviewer: DeathBlade__
Written by: Theodora_lu

Title: 5/5
The title is pretty simple but it gives a base idea of what the book is about. There were many deals being made so I could tell where the title came from. 

Cover: 4.5/5
The cover, just like the title, is also simple but again, it matches the title and the story. I really like the colours used and the font compliments the overall cover. One thing I would say though is to remove the sticker. You can always display the prizes in an author’s note or achievement chapter. It’s not wrong to keep it on the cover, of course, I just felt that it took the focus away from what was meant to be looked at.

Blurb: 5/5
The blurb was very well written. I loved how you introduced both the main characters and then showed the contrast between them. The ending had a cool cliffhanger which got me interested in reading the book. Also, the dialogues that you quoted were perfect to give an overview of the book.

Writing Style: 6/10
The writing style is a bit patchy. Scenes with great impact are rather underwhelming. For example, the accident that Caleb’s family met with could have been described in further detail. You only mentioned the crash which can also have some added details, but Caleb’s feelings were completely ignored. Yes, we see him crying alone in the street, but this is hours later. As a reader, I would want to know his feelings at the moment of impact. This is not the only time I felt that. When it was revealed that Jordan raped Lola, Peyton was angry and Caleb defended her but other than that, we don’t know how Lola feels and she seemed to have moved on pretty quickly. Something like this isn’t a matter that can be got over so quickly.
Overall, I’d suggest focusing on the character’s feelings because it adds another depth to the character which always helps.

Grammar: 8/10
The grammar was pretty good for most parts. One common mistake that I noticed was that you kept switching from past tense to present tense. And there are many run-on sentences, basically, they lack punctuation. But it’s nothing too big, a re-read or maybe consulting an editor should do the trick.

Plot: 4.5/10
The flow of the plot could have been executed better. There were too many time skips and we missed out on so many parts of the character’s life. After Caleb got an offer to sing, we don’t see him publish his first song, we don’t see the struggles, we only see that he ends up successful. It’s the same with Peyton. They open a babysitting shop which they had planned as a family. But starting any business is very difficult and again, we see her when she is quite successful. 
I would suggest avoiding time skips because when the character is telling what happened in the past few years it feels like a narrator reciting a story rather than going through the journey along with the characters. 
There are also many side plots, like Taryn’s twin, and the character always mentions that it’s a story for later. Again, I’d want to go on a journey with the character so when they say that it’s a story for later it kind of ruins the experience.
The story is a bit fast-paced and slow-paced at the same time. As I mentioned in the writing style, great impact scenes are skimmed through whereas the plot as a whole is very slow moving.
I read the first 10 chapters as you had requested and I could kind of see where the plot is going. My guess is that Caleb and Peyton will warm up to each other and maybe date? There are many possibilities but I wasn’t sure of anything by the end of it.
The last thing I wanted to mention was the parents. What was the deal they made? We’ll probably find out soon. But why are they like this? What pushed them to do such horrible things to their own kids? It was a huge plot point I was focusing on but it was never mentioned. They are just horrible for god knows what reason. And you kept an Empire but we never got a close look on that.
Also, side note but aren’t Danny and Peyton step-siblings? Why would the parents want them to marry each other when they are step-siblings?

Characters: 3.5/10
So there were many characters in the first chapter itself. They were hard to keep track of in the beginning but as I continued reading, It wasn’t a problem anymore. Now for the characters:

Peyton: No offense, but I disliked her so much. In the first chapter, she was rather opinionated, which I thought was okay but as the story progressed it became worse. She keeps slut-shaming any girl that Danny is interested in which was kind of irritating. She also keeps calling him a man-whore like cut it with the judgments. She cares a great deal for her sister which was adorable but she had so many negatives that I couldn’t ignore. She was also rather rude to Caleb when she was the one entering prohibited areas and she thinks he’s a famous brat just because he asked her what she was doing there. I know everyone is different and it’s great that the main character has flaws but you could maybe show a different side of her where we can understand why she is so judgemental you know. Also, she mentioned that after all the time she still liked Jordan. In the end, he wasn’t the one who raped Lola but she still thought he did. How could she have feelings for a horrible person like that?

Caleb: He’s rather sweet for the most part, I was just baffled how he got into a stranger's car with his baby sister without even knowing him. Made me wonder if he would have done the same if it was a man with a beat-up truck, Marcel turned out to be a nice guy in the end which is great but it could have gone wrong in so many ways. But understanding the situation he was in, I can let it slide.

Lola: She did nothing wrong, I just felt her character could have been written better. She was raped several times, by her dad and stepdad and there was no reaction from her side. That is so much trauma she had to endure and it didn’t seem like it bothered her which I couldn’t ignore.

Charlie and Danny: They’re both pretty nice when they are separated but Charlie was getting overly jealous and they weren’t even dating. He likes her, she likes him, I get it but the jealousy was too much and she hated every red head just because Danny looked their direction. Surely that can’t lead to a very healthy relationship. I can only hope they grow together as better people.

Taryn and Jake: Same as the above honestly, they are likeable when put separately but together they seem very toxic to each other. I think one of the character’s even mentioned it but it was ignored. Again, there’s a lot of time for them to grow together, and I hope they do.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
The thing I love most in the book are the characters. Peyton wasn’t a very likeable character to me which dulled my opinion a bit on the book. The next is the plot, which I also mentioned the problems in. This whole review is solely based on my opinion of course, I saw in the comments that it was very well received which is honestly great! But I would still suggest you to go through this review thoroughly and see what can be changed. If the book is complete then you can’t change many plot points but you can elaborate on the writing style!
Don’t let this review discourage you. Learn from it and keep writing!

TOTAL: 38.5/60