Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Swaralee》A Life Worth Living

Customer: lonely_dreamer2

Reviewer: _Swaralee_

Thank you for choosing me to review your book!

Cover: 09/10

I'm assuming the edited people on the cover are the actual actors/characters from the show. Whoever edited them, didn't do a good job of it. Can a reader tell that it's a fanfiction? Yes. Can they guess the genre from the cover alone? Barely. For an apocalyptic story/genre,

The current cover doesn't match the atmosphere, or the vibe of the story. I would suggest a cover change. It's not necessary to include the actual people from the show or real life to attract readers. You can include them, but then the editing needs to be flawless. You can choose an already existing image from the internet where you can see the actors and have some space for adding your book title and your name on it.

Title: 10/10

I absolutely love the title! In a world where human beings are surviving not even leading a good life but barely surviving. It's an excellent title. It resonates with hope. It's an ironic title. I mean there's not much around them to make their living worth it nor is it that they can just do whatever they want without a care in the world. So yes, I love ironic titles.

Blurb: 09/10

The current blurb is quite good, however, I was expecting more from it. Do we get to know the central character and main conflict of the story? Yes. But I would like it more if it was just a bit longer and gave a glimpse into this world that readers are about to dive into. A blurb is one of the first impressions of your book and one of the main reasons on which a reader will decide if they should read the story or not. If I had to suggest a change, I would say make it catchy. Mix the word count of the sentences. Right now, all your sentences are lengthy and stall the reading experience. Given the nature of the story, make a few sentences shorter. Only use a single question mark wherever you have used two.

Opening/first impression: 10/10

'The young girl is trekking through the woods alone... she has been for a month'? That is a brilliant way to start an apocalyptic story. When authors advise that 'begin a story with a banging sentence/first line', this is what they mean. Not necessarily everyone needs to start with a twisty/hook line to grab readers' attention. That's a lot of pressure for new writers or writers who are just starting out. However, in this case, it just fits perfectly.

The first few paragraphs in general were quite engaging. We dive right into the apocalyptic world, meet our main protagonist and are introduced to her state of mind. It's very difficult to keep the reader's attention and make them or compel them to keep reading further. You did a great job with the opening.

Plot: 08/10

Given the fact that it is a fanfiction and too of a well-known show, people already sort of know what the storyline might be or they might know the characters or the world. So creating a plot around this scenario is always a challenge. Now as I read from the Blurb, you have altered the plot to make it different from what it is originally. That being said, for an apocalyptic world, for a story revolving around one main character, where she finds herself where she isn't supposed to be... all of this sounds very, very interesting. I'm assuming Nell will have to be her own hero, make decisions for herself and survive. It's definitely something I would find myself reading.

Dialogues: 08/10

As far as I read the story, there was very little dialogue exchanged between characters. There weren't enough of them for me to judge. It is justifiable nonetheless to have less dialogues given the nature of the plot. Though I will say that I could tell each character apart from the other. They had individual voices and didn't get jumbled up. Grammar and punctuation-wise, there were a few errors here and there, not something that stalled the narrative but worth going over whenever you decide to go for another round of editing.

Characters: 07/10

Nell is the central protagonist of the story. She is strong and has survived so long on her own. She's not afraid, or even if she is, she knows all she has is herself to rely on. She can't sit in a corner and cry. She has to protect herself. Her character traits, apart from her being strong, aren't explored more. From what I read, we don't really understand her as a person. All her feelings are surface-level. So I would suggest a deeper character study for her.

Now I'm assuming the other main character of the story is Daryl Dixon. He's a skilled tracker, a smart person, from what you described him as. I will have to read more to understand his character in depth. But on a surface level, he's a morally good person.

You have mentioned Carl Grimes in the title itself. I came across Rick Grimes but Carl...? I'm sure this is one of those instances where you have to be familiar with the show to understand certain things, so I'm not going to dwell on this much.

Quality of conflict: 09/10

The conflict of this story is filled with twists and suspense about Nell's survival and safety when she finds herself with unknown people. And that alone is good enough of a conflict. As you know I'm not quite familiar with

The Walking Dead or the fandom, it is difficult for me to judge this aspect of the story. But from what I read, this genre is demanding, an apocalyptic world is very hard to build, connect characters, connect their individual stories, give a glimpse into what they believe used to be a 'normal' and non-apocalyptic world. Being a fanfiction, all this was already drawn out for you except for the characters. So I think the quality is pretty good as it is.

Writing skills: 09/10

The writing style that you have used is simple, easy to read and easy to follow along. There's nothing crazy happening with it. There's no world-building information dump happening and I'm very happy with it. You explore the world as you go, whenever necessary. We understand characters better. We understand their thoughts and feelings.

In terms of writing skills, the grammar is up to the mark. I couldn't find any mistakes so far. I can see you have done the editing nicely.

Reader enjoyment: 08/10

For someone who is not familiar with The original story (me), I found myself enjoying your version of it. I was really worried for Nell, I didn't want any harm coming her way and that says a lot about your writing. You have managed to write it in a way that anyone who doesn't know the show can also enjoy the story. So I can say that people who dig fanfictions will devour this!

Total: 87/100

Other suggestions: Only the things that I mentioned in Blurb and Dialogues could use some attention. Apart from that, the story in a nutshell is very interesting. The writing is pretty spot on. So good job and good luck!