Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Ananas》I Will Wait

I Will Wait by Am_Burt

Reviewer: rebecca_batteur

Cover:
I find your cover to be truly charming and to work very well for several reasons. First, the background of the cover, with this mixture of colors suggests a joyful and playful story, quite simple, filled with serenity and immediately catches the eye with this colorful aspect. We have the impression of being swept away in a storm of feelings and emotions, a multicolored tornado, it is a great success. I then really like the hands on the cover and the way they are drawn and what they represent. They are the link that unites the two main characters and indicate a romantic relationship. They hold each other by the little finger, a sign that recalls the promise concluded between the two characters as well as the central role that this promise plays in the story. Idea which is confirmed by the message written at the bottom of the cover "I broke my promise". I also really like the font used for the title, I find it elegant and pleasant. For me, it's a good cover that doesn't need big changes, expressing the main ideas very well in a simple way that suits the story that is told here. No need for more complexity than what is found here.
Title:
Again, the title is well chosen since it refers to the promise that the two characters made and which is at the center of Selah's concerns. They decided to wait for each other but Selah did not respect this oath. However, I still have to make a comment. Since the title of the story is related to the promise, isn't it a bit contradictory to finally state that Caleb doesn't remember this same promise at all? I'll go into more detail later about Caleb's promise and reaction but, for me, it's still a good title that highlights the complementary relationship they share, with a desire to always remain there for each other and never to forget the memories they shared.
Blurb:
This is a good summary that explains the content of the situation quite well and that summarizes for the reader what he is about to discover and, even before we meet the characters, we already feel their connection. There is also a bit of an incentive function here, which is always important in a summary. For the rest, the most important points of the summary will be covered later, so I have no big comments to make here.
Characters:
I will deal here first with the characters, trying to focus in detail on the main characters, I will then move on to a study of the plot.
Let's start with Selah. Selah is a character with flaws, first as a person but also, and more seriously, as a main character. To explain what I mean, not only does she have flaws that are part of her personality but she also has inconsistencies in her character.
First of all, I really don't understand why she decided to break her promise. It's never explained in detail even though it's supposed to play a central role in the story. We are only told that, as it had already been two years, she decided to move on. What I also do not understand since we are told that she has already been with Bert for two years and that she is traveling by his side. So she didn't wait at all? This is something quite astonishing and a completely selfish act, I would even say, and which is never really justified. I really wish I had a better reason for such a decision. I can understand that she made a mistake but I would still have preferred someone to tell us a little

more to try to contextualize this choice. As things are, we suspect that she is still a very young woman, that the separation may make her want to try something else and that the wait may seem long to her, but the reader can only make assumptions without having a lot of material for his suppositions. And that's a shame because it makes Selah come across as selfish and unreliable as well as quite childish. Moreover, this lack of justification further reinforces my incomprehension at her dismay when she has to confront Caleb again. It gives an even worse impression of her. She didn't care about that promise for two years and didn't hesitate to break it almost immediately but, as soon as she's forced to face the one she promised a date to, the guilt returns. And she deserves to feel that guilt because her attitude was not very correct. I also have to say that her reaction is quite disproportionate in many situations. In this regard, I would recommend approaching the situation differently. In real life, even if some people have intense reactions to certain situations, it is in my opinion a little rarer. In general, the less you show, the better. Even if in real life someone is totally upset, in general, except for some people, people do not always display extreme emotions. Especially in Selah's case, whose situation is far from dramatic. But making her express emotions that are much too strong makes her look like an unreasonable person, or not very credible, or even simply ridiculous and incapable of controlling herself a little. However, if these kinds of reactions are essential to the character of Selah, I can understand it. But it is still necessary to show why she is so expressive. I myself am someone who easily gives way to relatively extreme feelings and this reflects, I think, on the characters I write, but I try all the same to put the great sensitivity of these characters in a certain context. Each person is endowed with their own internal landscape, with all its complexity, and what makes this landscape even more interesting is that it is not always supposed to be visible to others. That's a big part of the complexity of writing: capturing all the nuances of an individual and portraying what makes them whole beings.
I also have big issues with the way her relationship with Bert is handled. We are told that this relationship was not good for Selah and that Bert has understood it, Selah contenting herself only with following Bert everywhere in the world without really having a will of her own. We are told that she realizes that her future would have been dull and dreary because she dedicated herself not to God but to Bert. I understand the principle of highlighting the fact that, in a relationship, you need to have interests and activities outside of this same relationship and be able to remain somewhat independent of the other. However, I find it very poorly exposed here for the simple reason that almost nothing is known of Bert and Selah's relationship. There is absolutely no way to see how this relationship was wrong or how it would have made Selah unhappy. Yet it is of the utmost importance. Instead, we're told straight up that Selah wouldn't have been happy and that's it. You don't dive into long explanations and you also just say that everything seems more natural with Caleb. The comparison would have been very interesting to observe. There's nothing toxic about Bert and Selah's relationship, on the contrary, but it's also not the relationship they each need and it would have been interesting to show why. I also want to say that I didn't really like the way Bert broke up with Selah over the phone. It's stupid.