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《Blade》Patient 39

REVIEW - PATIENT 39 (JohanLiebert33)

REVIEWER - DeathBlade__

Title: 5/5

I really like the title. It gave me apocalypse-type vibes for some reason and it sounded like a psychological thriller that suited the book. 

Cover: 1/5

The cover is not the best. My biggest concern was that I couldn’t even see what was going on in it. The background image and the boy blend together. I also really don’t like the font. I could barely read the word 39 since it was hidden behind the word ‘patient’. It also just seems so congested and thrown together and I would definitely suggest getting it changed.

Blurb: 2.5/5

The blurb was too short in my opinion. I get that it’s a short story and that you can’t reveal the whole plot but still, I felt that you could have elaborated the few things that you wrote, at least enough for it to sound intriguing. Also, there were errors in such a small paragraph itself. The ‘a’ in the starting is not capitalized and you wrote but he don’t know why was he here instead of but he doesn’t know why he was there. These are just two errors but the blurb is one of the first things people see and mistakes like these don’t leave a good impression.

Writing Style: 1/10

The writing style could really use a lot of improvement. There were so many scenes that could have been action-packed but they weren’t the writing undersold all the scenes and it could really use a lot of improvement. 

For example: 

In the very beginning, the main character steals a gun from the doctor. You didn’t show the readers how he stole it, what planning was going on in his head and how the doctor didn’t even notice. These are all key points while writing scenes like these.

39 then goes on to kill 4-6 people and break things. But how? Did four people just fall into his path to get killed? Where did he learn to kill anyway? I get that it’s a dream and it need not make sense but you could have described the killing. The fear maybe, or the rage inside of 39. What made him break things and how did he do it, these are all things that I would have liked to know.

You mentioned that he realized that he had come out from a cave thing. What Is a cave thing? That lacked so much information, so much that I wasn’t even sure it was a cave. If it was you wouldn’t have mentioned thing, right? Then where was he, what was his surrounding? You also mentioned that he had injuries but what were they? Were they internal like a fracture or sprain or was he bleeding? If so where and how did he get the injuries? Again, there are so many questions that just don’t have answers.

Although it's a dream, the zombies arriving was a key plot point. It should have been a lot more action-packed but it wasn’t. They just showed up out of nowhere and 39 wasn’t even shocked for too long. 

The fight with the germans was the same thing. Bombs blasted and people were dying but I don’t know how any of that happened

The main problem is that you say rather than tell. Instead of showing the scened with great description, you opted to tell everything as though it was a story narrated to a child, except, children don’t read psychological thrillers. Because of the lack of description, the plot seemed so empty, like there was no point to it. Things kept happening abruptly and it wasn’t very enjoyable to read.

Grammar: 4.5/10

It was as if there were grammatical errors in every three paragraphs. Granted, the errors aren’t huge, they can be corrected easily. Still, there were too many. Some, I pointed out in the comments itself, and others I will be doing here.

Typos: You made many typing errors, I’ve highlighted three of them in the comments. Typos aren’t huge but still, they make the reading a lot less fun.

Singular and plural: I noticed that you often used the wrong form. When you had to use singular words you used plural and vice-versa. 

Dialogues: Now this was a major issue. In the first conversation when 39 is talking to the guy who came to talk to him, they talked so informally. They aren’t friends so there should have been some formality and a stern tone. Also, you kept using ‘...’ in between dialogues. It made them seem less continuous and way too awkward, which wasn’t supposed to be the mood that was created.

Plot: 4/10

I really like the base idea of the story. I love how everything came in a circle. What started off as a dream ended up being real which was such a cool twist. It really tied in with the psychological thriller genre of the book. My main issue is the execution of the plot.

The plot has such great potential and it could have been delivered better. I think I’ve made it clear in the writing style part. The plot didn’t seem impactful or enjoyable because of the way it was written. It felt too random and the pacing was too quick. I think it would really help if you write this story with more words. When I saw that it was a short story I was expecting it to be one big chapter but it wasn’t. 

The execution really could have been better because the base of the plot is so wonderful.

Characters: 1/10

We don’t even get to know the characters. Since it’s a short story, I can understand that it may be hard to have character development but still, we should know something about them.

I can even ignore the fact that I know nothing about side characters such as Charlie, Doctor Abhineet, and the girl but I needed something about the main character.

We don’t even know his real name by the time the story gets over. 

Again, this is due to the fact that the writing style isn’t descriptive. 39’s feelings are never shown when something huge happens, therefore we don’t get to know if he is someone who gets scared or if he’s brave. He could have been tactful or maybe he uses brawns over brains. Anything would have helped me connect with the character which I, unfortunately, couldn’t

Overall Enjoyment: 1/5

As I mentioned, the plot has strong potential, it’s mainly the writing style that I found disappointing. Just go through all my points and you should be able to get a gist of what can be improved. 

Don’t let this review put you down since this is just my opinion. Use this to better your book so that the plot can reach its potential.

Total: 20/60