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《Yasmin》Fallen Wolf

Review

Fallen Wolf by doggx_

Reviewer

Yasmin Owls1221

Title: 8/10

The title is good, in my opinion it gives the reader multiple interpretations of what the title implies, it could mean that the wolf might have fallen from their clan or fallen from their natural habit as a true wolf etc. I have nothing else to say other than good.

Cover: 9/10

I remember in the beginning that the cover had a normal picture of a wolf with the story title, then it was changed. And to be honest I like this one better because not only is it simple and pretty, it also gives the reader a better idea of the story. Like the blue glitters on the wolf’s fur and the bright orange eyes, it gives that fantastical and mystic feel to it. Although, the title font could use some small change, I prefer if you put the cursive or the regular font that is most readable on the cover right now. Because the cursive font looks like scribbles on the main title when I first read it. But others find it fine then that’s fine by me, because this little issue isn’t a big deal it’s just more of a personal preference.
 
Summary: 8/10

I would say that the summary is good but it needs to be worked on in terms of punctuation and a little bit on grammar or maybe in terms of writing style. But still the overall summary is good.

Grammar: 6/10

Well, I have to say that despite the story being good and simple, there are lots of things that need to be fixed in terms of other elements. And I’ll start with the grammar. As I read your entire book (there were only five chapters) I noticed that you seemed to mix past and present tenses together when describing actions and thoughts. How some sentences (majority of sentences) start with the past tense and suddenly change to a present tense.

You see, when it comes to writing, you have to choose one tense. If the story or event takes place in the past, then all of your writing has to be in past tense, if the story takes place in the present you can write your story in the present tense. Like these examples:

X incorrect X:

“He walked, he sees the stalker and sprints,” he says to me.

O correct O:

“He walked, he saw the stalker and sprinted,” he said to me.

The reason why we should write in one tense is because we don’t want to confuse the readers on whether the events happening in the story are in the past or present.

Vocabulary: 4/10

The vocabulary is good, however, there were a lot of repeated words and phrases. Such as the words “then”, “escape”, “ran”and more. There are also phrases such as “she hunted, ate, drank water, and took shelter her whole life” and “she sniffed, then she listened, then she ran away…” and “she didn’t want this so she went for it”.

My only advice for this is to lessen the same words and phrases and use synonyms instead.  Because if you keep repeating then the words will lose their meaning and become boring for the reader.

Spelling: 9/10

I don’t think there are misspellings except for very few, like the words “she” and “he” being mixed up probably? Because at one point you described the hunter to be a “he” then in the very next moment he became she, same goes for his and hers. I don’t know if it was a mistake or not but it confused me a little. And there were random letters left in the middle of the sentences like “m” and “f”, if they’re meant to be words then fix them, if not and they’re accidentally put there you can remove them.