Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Ananas》A Kiss from Death

A Kiss From Death: by l0vely_kay
Reviewer: rebecca_batteur
Cover:
Your cover is very basic, no special effects, it just looks rather dull and dark. Perhaps it was to set the atmosphere of your story. While I believe that the image you chose for your cover is rather coherent with the story you're telling, it does not really appeal to the eye, in all honesty. The dark atmosphere of the picture seems a little cliche and doesn't really reinforce the idea of your story being a serious and profound one. The way the title fits in the image also adds to the fact that this doesn't really appear to be professional. It seems a little fake, like you just chose a random picture on the internet and then added the title, by just using mildly special font and effects. I believe you could try and do better than this with a little more dedication. But maybe you don't have access to easier ways to design a cover or maybe you find it difficult, I understand, but I just wanted to make sure you knew that, as it is, this just looks unprofessional- off course it isn't, but you might want to make it seems like it is so that the readers feel like they're seeing a real published book. But there are plenty of ways for you to improve. I am not really talented with designing covers myself but you could ask for help from cover designers, it could be really helpful ! You don't judge a book by its cover but, in real life, many people do judge a book by its cover, especially on Wattpad where there are so many books everywhere. A good cover already shows that the writer took time and dedication to come up with it and is a sign of someone really engaged in what they are doing.
Title:
I have to say, I don't really understand the meaning of the title. I don't see the connection between this title and the story you're telling. I have a few theories. For example, "A Kiss From Death" could be referring to the biting marks that Naveen got and that awoken the werewolf inside of her, the biting could be considered as a kiss, maybe. Perhaps it's just me or perhaps it will all make sense later on in the story but, as I've read up to chapter eight, I'm starting to have some doubts. Or I can also suppose that maybe the title is hinting at a future romance with another character that will be menacing and terrifying, therefore, they could be compared to death.
Blurb:
Your blurb is pretty good. It is clear and concise and serves well its purpose. Maybe it reveals a bit too much but that's not really that important and I think it works great as it is. There is no mistake or grammatical error that could tarnish the reader's respect. It also ends with a question, which is, I think, a good point. It attracts the reader's attention and makes him wonder himself. Plot:
The plot is pretty interesting, as it is full of secrets and mysterious things but I did notice some things that were inconsistent or just weird. For example, when Naveen tells them about the wolf she heard near the forest, they decide to go after it and hunt it down so it won't be a threat to the livestock and the other people in town. I understand this choice, as Flynn is a very competent hunter but I don't get why they didn't warn any other hunter in town. Even if they are not as good as Flynn, some reinforcements might have been useful in their situation or at least having

some people know what they were doing to come and help them if needed. I just don't see why they chose not to tell anyone about the wolf. I feel that, since it is very dangerous, it could save other people's life to know about it, so they don't venture into the forest, even if it's not somewhere many people go to. Also, it is very questionable why they decided to bring along Naveen, who is a child with no experience in combat or even self-defense. Even if they needed her to show them the place where she had heard the sound, they could have made her go back after she showed them, it would have been more cautious. Plus, I also feel like they made little to no preparations after they decided to go after the wolf. Enya didn't even bring her sword and only had a dagger to defend herself against a wolf. I just think that it doesn't really make sense for them not to be more cautious about going into the woods, a place known to be dangerous, to hunt a beast that they've never seen and only heard terrifying tales about. I understand why you need this scene to happen, for Naveen to get bit by the wolf, but I think you should try and change the setting a little bit, make it so they have to go into the forest quickly, without having time to think or prepare themselves, anything, really.
Another point is that, after getting almost killed by the wolf, they still don't tell anyone about it. It is dangerous, why aren't they warning people about it ? I also don't understand her choice of not telling the truth to Rori and her family. Maybe she didn't want to make the other villagers panic, but Rori and her family are reliable people, she said it herself, why not share this secret with them ? Even after, when her sister disappears, why won't she tell the entire town about it ? I feel like the help of so many people would be useful to find her sister if she went into such a dangerous place all by herself. But instead, they decide to go, just the three of them, into the woods where, just a few weeks ago, they've been attacked and almost killed by a wolf. Rori even comes up with a false excuse for her father to explain why she's leaving. I just don't understand the reason behind all of these secrets.
I have to say that your story is quite interesting, it has potential and the world-building is very nice and pretty realistic but I was listing the incoherences I found because I thought it might be useful for you in order to maybe correct your story. I by no means want to say that the plot of your story is bad. It is pretty good, actually. But, because it is pretty good, I am also more demanding and I tend to be wary of any details that I find even a little off, don't take it to heart, please. I am eager to learn more about the pack of werewolves still living in the forest and also about their story. I like this idea of the dormant gene, which is, to me, pretty realistic and just makes sense in your story. The way Naveen disappears during the full moon is very intriguing at first and the reader can only wonder what happened to her, if the wolf maybe came back for her or anything worse.
Characters:
Your characters are all pretty interesting and each of them has a personality of their own. You describe their relationship very well. I especially liked the one between Enya and Naveen, with Enya being like a mother to her sister, very protective of her, caring and kind. It feels natural and true. The way they've been living for years together with a drunkard father that doesn't take care of them is quite heartbreaking. You make all of them interesting, like Flynn with his family and

his missing brother, Enya and her mother... I also wanted to add that I really like their names, Enya, Flynn, Naveen, Rori, Kerian... They all feel so nice on the tongue. Especially Naveen, it's one of my favorites. They're quite consistent with their personality and goals. Enya is the protective one, who tends to be cautious about everything, always wanting to stop Flynn or her sister from getting in danger. Flynn tries to help everyone and also never complains, even if his father is terrible to him and Rori is kind and nice to everyone. They have defined personalities and don't stray from them. They never act out of character and this is a very good thing in your story.
Pacing:
The pacing didn't always feel pleasant to me. I felt like maybe your parts were a little too long. It might be just my impression but, at some point, I felt like the story was dragging itself and had a little trouble keeping on reading it. I don't really know what to recommend here. I don't think you should really change what you did, since it's good, but I really had the feeling of it being too long. Maybe you should try to make it more enticing ? It might just be because the first parts were here to introduce the characters and the setting. I will keep on reading to see if, in the next parts, it gets more interesting.
Writing style:
You have a lovely writing style with very good descriptions of places and emotions. Your style is already quite developed and I don't have that many remarks about it. Keep working on it and you will only improve, even though it's already great as it is. You have a lot of talent and this quality in writing is sometimes rare on Wattpad. The reader can see that you've put in a lot of effort and it feels nice to read.
Grammar:
I didn't notice any mistakes besides the incoherence with the tenses you use in your sentences. One time you use the present, another the past. It tends to make it hard for the reader to understand everything.
Personal Enjoyment:
The story was great and I had a good time reviewing it. I hope you don't find that I was too harsh on you. I just feel like there was room to improve, but that's also why I'm here. I prefer reviewing a book that has flaws that can be worked with because, after all, no book is perfect-not even mine, as much as I would like it to be. You have a great imagination and a good writing style. I'll stick around maybe to see where this goes. Thank you for choosing me as your reviewer ! I hope that my review satisfies you, if you have any grievances, don't hesitate to message me about it.