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《Sadie》Dragon Tamer

Review: Sadie twoshortnails
Book: Dragon Tamer
Author: H_Hobbs
Chapters read: 5
Cover:
The cover is plain, and quite unremarkable. I can kind of see your thought process when you created it, with the splatters that look like faded blood (I don’t know what they are actually meant to be), the graphic of a dragon, the fancy divider, and the title font. However, the cover really does not come together, and in general, doesn’t look appealing.
The idea is certainly there though, so I’ll just give you a few suggestions to point you in the right direction.
Firstly, you should definitely keep the dragon theme. A dragon graphic just seems a bit… anticlimactic. I suggest having a look into detailed fantasy images of dragons, on Pinterest or something, where you can get aesthetic images that would work well for you. The image I’m thinking of is a dark-coloured dragon (like dark red, dark green, dark blue), with detail on the scales and really pretty eye(s). Then you can use a nice fantasy font, like Cinzel, for the title and author’s name, in a lighter colour like gold, or a complimentary colour, like orange (if the dragon is blue), green (if the dragon is red), and vice versa. I hope you kind of understand the image I’m coming up with…? Think Cressida Cowell’s How to Train Your Dragon, but less informal and childish.
Either way, I think the idea is there, but just not well-executed. Try out my suggestions, and if you’re really stuck, a graphic shop would be a good option. However, having a really amazing cover is not the first step to a good book, it’s just a method of appealing to the reader!
Title:
Your title is really basic, but I guess it does get the point across. ‘Dragon Tamer’ would look quite good on a book cover, but it just isn’t original. I think if you thought a bit harder, and did some brainstorming, you could come up with a better and more interesting title. To do this, focus on key themes throughout the story, and then think about 1-8 word phrases that could sum those up. Don’t get me wrong, your title is fine… it’s just not as exceptional as it could be.
Blurb/Description:
The blurb is great! I’m impressed with the content, and the brief, but interesting introduction I (as a reader) had to the two main characters.
I’ll just mention some really small things like rephrasing, etc. to just uplevel it a bit more.
So, the first sentence, ‘Kali Dracino is a tried and true dragon tamer’, sounds a bit… off. For one, the phrase tried-and-true, refers to a method or process. However if you are adamant on using this phrase, at least put hyphens in. Another thing about the first paragraph is the last sentence, where you mention ‘what her father and brothers…’. I feel that the idea she learnt everything she knows from male figures makes her seem like a less independent character. Therefore, I think Kali’s personality would be portrayed better if you rephrased the start of that sentence to: ‘What she never prepared for…’
The paragraph about Prince Camden Acker is absolutely fine, and perfectly written. The only other thing I want to pick at is the beginning of the last paragraph.
‘Find out if these two can settle their differences and fulfil their sworn duties…’
I feel like the interaction with the reader is too stark of a contrast from what the rest of the blurb has been like. Instead, phrase it like a rhetorical question:
‘Can the two settle their differences, and fulfil their sworn duties? Or will Camden’s time run out, with Kali doomed to repeat her ancestors’ mistakes…’
Characters:
Like most aspects of your story, your characters are well-created; but this fact has some exceptions.
For one, the Royal Family is portrayed terribly. They’re informal, unserious, and lack the regality that is associated with royalty. I’m not saying that all fantasy Royal Families should be strict and regulated; but the way you have written the Royal Family is simply not realistic, and I often forgot that they were ‘royal’ at all. Everyone is so informal, and the whole ‘mood’ of the characters you created seem to scream the very opposite from ‘royalty’. Needless to say, I was disappointed by the Royal Family.
To improve them, I discourage removing the informality and jokes completely, but instead present a realistic ‘first impressions’, when Kali and the Royal Family first meet. Perhaps they are slightly awkward, but quickly warm up to each other. I don’t get that sense in your description of their first meeting.
Kali is a great character, and I see loads of potential. The only thing I’d say for her is that I want a description, and you missed a really great opportunity for an in-depth description in the makeup scene in Chapter 3. That scene has such high potential for you to describe Kali, and after a description, readers can visualise her better, and therefore like her more. Sometimes she shows very little respect towards Royalty, which makes her appear really rude rather than badass. Just be careful when you write about her interactions with the brothers. I suggest keeping the attitude, but building it up through more interactions, rather than firing all the sassiness at once — it’s completely natural for someone to be shy when they meet someone else for the first time, especially if that someone else is a royal.
I feel overall that your characters have amazing potential, but you haven’t been exploiting that potential to its fullest. To help with this issue, try to focus on more realistic character interactions and bring a 3d portrayal to the character: are they shy when they meet new people? Do they put on a bold appearance but actually get really anxious? Otherwise, I’m sure your characters are developed well throughout the rest of the book.
Plot/Storyline:
I like the plot, because it’s well built up throughout the chapters, and it’s just nicely written in general. There’s a great amount of flow, and I like the way you created the plot twist leading to Kali meeting the Prince. I’m quite happy with the plot, and I imagine that it is quite interesting to your target audience — even though it doesn’t appeal to me that much.
Overall, I think the plot is the strongest point of your writing.
Grammar:
The writing itself is pretty high quality, and the only grammar errors I spotted were really really minor ones. You misused the word ‘drawl’, because it is a verb, not an adjective, and there was one point where you had two spaces in a row, but I can’t remember where.
The main thing to correct with your writing isn’t really a grammar point, but more a presentation point.
The paragraphs, especially in the first chapter, are way too long. Maybe this wouldn’t be so much of an issue if this book was printed, or if it was published somewhere like Ao3 (where the writing goes across the whole page, rather than just half of it), but the Wattpad formatting means that long paragraphs are really off-putting for readers. I found it hard to focus on one paragraph without skim reading it, and the only reason I didn’t skim read it was because I had to review this book.
To improve your paragraphs, just find a natural break where there’s a subject change. i.e., you might have been describing a hillside, but then you start describing a character, so you begin a new paragraph. If you want more tips on how to separate paragraphs, you can ask!
Summary:
To sum up, I’ll make a few points of things you should aim to do!
Work with the cover to create a more appealing first glance
Think about a more original title
Focus on making character interactions better and more realistic
Make sure to use paragraphs more, sometimes your writing comes in chunks too big to swallow
But you did so many great things with your writing as well!
I like the whole concept, and I think it’s interesting to your target audience
Your main character, Kali, is sassy and appealing
The content that you are writing is really good, especially the blurb
Your writing is very high quality in terms of basically no grammar/punctuation issues
I hope you appreciate my feedback and use it to benefit your writing.