Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Trilogy》Mirrored In Her

Reviewer: TheManofFiction

Client: june_berrin

First impression

The concept of the first chapter gets us going. We, the readers, are introduced to this alternate version of our world where people with superpowers are hunter down and publicly murdered.

So hints of this Salem type of culture with modern elements are brought to the table, which is an interesting matchup to say the least.

I do enjoy the subtle details you planted in. For one, we aren't told that the protagonist is unaware of the passing of her mother, but we get to SEE this through her surprise of seeing her on screen - dread worsening when the main character notices the reporter's "victorious" attire (which does add a bit of depth into how these people treat these minorities, their death like some kind of game).

*Also, if Alyssa's in the photo as well, why doesn't anyone notice that?*

Alyssia and Nevaeh's relationship is something I admire, as you see their empathy towards the other, and how they have each other's backs. Quite admirable and heartwarming in that first scene where they discovered Alyssia's mum died, and Nevaeh helped get suspicion off of her.

You know, I'm beginning to notice the level of emotion you put in here. See, it's not just about survival and powers and cool fight scenes with swords, but about relationships and how they either form of break under the pressure of hardships. Some of her relationships seem to grow tighter, while we see others, such as her and her brother, become a little more distant (as it happened after the discovery of Alyssia's letter).

I believe this is the heart of your story - Alyssia and her friends who would either stick by and fight for her, or eventually ditch her in the end - an idea I believe you have much play with.

Now as for the vagueness of the powers - it used to be a complaint. But recently I've been reading Mistborn, and the author does keep a level of mystery behind the powers for a while, although it isn't for long. The only thing I don't get is why Alyssia doesn't know what exactly her powers are or how one gets powers. She's part of this group with their own way of life, almost, but she seems oblivious as to how Wielder's work.

Fight scene -

I so enjoyed how you kickstarted the first combat scene with the lightning flash striking across the old fellow's face before he leapt towards her with a sword. The battle following that moment isn't one sided, but on equal standing, each opponent having minor victories and slip ups that lead to the end result. Because of this, the fight scene is believable. Now what do I mean by this? Does a character need to be 50% messed up at the end of a dangerous encounter in order for it to be realistic?

Nah. Some characters are just weapons experts. What I'm saying is that Alyssia is a teenage girl. Yeah, she had experience, but would that experience match well against an old man, who by his age, could have been training for much longer?

In this case, it did, but not by much. Alyssia nearly died. Several times. And with scars on her body to prove it. So this made the fight scene while reading it not only exciting, but tense. It wouldn't be tense if she was some video game character who won every fight. Rather, she's in jeopardy of losing, and we see that happen in many unsure moments, all the while crafting a fight scene that for the most part flows organically in our minds. Well done on that.

*I also took note of how you detailed the senses, like touch and sight, and each type of pain, internal turmoil, the discomfort of the damp terrain, and the dimming and changing of the senses when one is either scared witless or hit. Not only do you just describe the fight scene, but you allow us to become part of it. We are the characters in moments like this. I guess this is the goal of the writer. It's great to have this greatly thought of scene in mind and to just write what you see, but it takes an exceptional level of care and attention to go into how the character feels - on several levels, without breaking the flow of the scene. (If you were to break the scene's flow in writing about the character's deeper experience, you would probably do so by explaining how they felt. But instead, you immersed us and allowed us to feel what they were going through.)*