My Coloured Zulu Man

Chapter 39

Amahle

Just when i thought i was getting there, i was happy everyone was, i was doing so well with myself, thats what my self therapist said. I saw the light and just when i was about to touch it darkness suddenly engulfed me again, breaking the tiny walls of am doing just fine i had made up, i was getting there and now am back to square one. The room is so tensed up, so much tension that you can literally see it with your naked eyes, touch it and probably eat it. Rawan sits at the far end of the roundvel with Martin who isn't even here, the tiny yet loud sobs from Smangaliso gives goosebumps. Again why am here "you are now part of this family and as the eldest son Waylen whom you're his mate, isn't here, you kinda taking his place" MaMxenge said "we don't need softies in this family, we need you to be a strong and yet be a delicate flower" she said with a straight face, showing no empathy. Khethiwe is here as well, actually the whole of Jozi and Capetown came down straight to Kwa-Zulu Natal, am asked to start a song and knowing the situation of ancestors and Christianity i start on that wouldn't blur the lines in between
Khayelihle
Ikhaya lami
Mangingene
Esangweni
Mangiziphumuze Kuwe
Khay'elihle
Khaya lami
Kade ngangizulazula
Ngingaboni ubuhle bakho
Sengifuna ngokufisa
Ngikubone khaya lami
Ngikubone khaya lami

The tears won't stop either, Martin breaks down, men should be allowed to cry. Ofcourse it was their first child "bantwana bami osekwenzekile sekwenzekile, engifuna nikwazi ukuthi uNkanyezi usese ndaweni ephephile, iNkanyezi yami enhle, bab'sibolekile nathi ingane kwakuvele kungeyona eyethu, useyowuba ukukhanya kwalomndeni uNkanyezi wethu, nani bazali bakhe duduzekani, Okuhle kuyeza, uyapha ephinde ethathe" the grandmother speaks her voice changed, the big guy spoke, and as I've said nothing scares me at this point, and am still humming to the song, am chocking in my own tears, how on earth does one say that, a child is gone atleast try saying something nice not that.
Its Friday, noon and its raining cats and dogs, apparently it's wouldn't be a funeral in this family without rain, so for them its just the usual, I've been here for two days and already everyone seems to know alot about me than i even know about myself, even the neighbors know my good deeds.
Did i tell you how nice it is working in the kitchen with you supposedly, future sister-in-laws is, gossiping about everyone's business while sipping on wine, peeling vegetables, with your husband throwing shades at you. Well accept me i dont drink and i don't have a husband. The whole day I've been up and down with MaMxenge, with her busy showing me around and introducing me to her friends, as her daughter-in-law, since the last time i was here she didn't get the chance to, should i tell my uncles about something, but i guess they should start going to suit fittings.
Today i had the hopes that maybe since its his niece's funeral Waylen would show but no he didn't, disappointed much, shocking fact is no one seems bothered about him, or maybe they are hiding something from me. I take Smangaliso's food to her, she hasn't had anything since that fateful night, i find her mumbling something "Nkanyezi kamama" over and over again. Its like i want to go back but MaMxenge's words keep playing in my head, i get closer to her, she rocking a baby blanket sitting down at the floor "Smangaliso please eat something" she looks up at me, immediately her face turns into something else, as if she's looking at a monster "Martin she's trying to take my child away from me" she screams for help, "Martin she's taking my child" she's even more louder. Martin appears out of nowhere, he gets down to her and holds her calming her, i put the tray down and quietly walks away closing the door. I say a silent prayer breaking down if this is to happen then may i not have children.
I get back to the other ladies, with my tears wiped and my am fine face up, "how's she, did she take the food" Khethiwe asks me "no she didn't" i guess my face tells it all no questions asked.
Its just after 2300hrs, the kitchen is clean, everyone ate, nothing's left than to put my body to rest, am so eager to check up on Smangaliso, i run to her house, just at the far end of the yard, i knock at her bedroom door, she tells me to come in, surprisingly i enter, progress we're getting somewhere "Amahle ngena uhlale phansi" she says, my heart screams for joy. I rush to her to give a warm embrace, which ended up in us breaking down, even laughed at some point "did it really had to be my child" she ask the wrong person "i don't know why but i do know that every bad news are actually good news in disguise, the family knew that Nkanyezi wasn't suppose to live, but he miraculously lived for a months, that must mean something, you'll be just fine, and remember everything happens for a reason" maybe i should have been a mam'fundisi "hopefully, am sorry for lashing at you like that earlier on" she giggles "angikushiye ke ntombi, phumula" i turn to leave "everyone is worried about me, who worries about you Amahle" she ask, i know where this is going "Waylen's alive, he's up in the mountains dead" she says. Alive, dead. tf