My Coloured Zulu Man

Chapter 34

Amahle

Wake up, go to work, eat, leave a voicemail message to Waylen then sleep. Repeat. It's been a week since Langa delivered and a millenium since i last saw or spoke to my man. I so wish he could come and answer my so many questions. The office seems dull, we don't have a CEO the one we thought was our acting or rather new CEO which is Waylens father has also disappeared for good reasons though to look for his son. Everyone seems normal while i sometimes have to cry myself to sleep, maybe i should go to church today. Its been long i definitely need to refresh my mind, but then again i want to lazy around my house in my pajamas and sing to my most boring music and just cry. My eyes surely have gone dry, i gulp down water to produce more tears. I even turned down Siyabonga's dinner date, poor guy even returned to Cape Town but he promised me he'll be back, and he understood my reasons as to why i didn't pitch up "i have alot on my plate, but I'll make it up to you" that was reason and a way to make him feel better as i had stood him up on that day. I suddenly got emotional on that day and saw nothing to wear on my fully clothed closet, being a girl sucks we always have nothing to wear and its not a habit it's just in our DNA's.
Immediately after Langa was discharged, she went back home with her mother to Durban, new mom's need their owm mothers by them for support. When am i giving Waylen kids?
I stare at the ceiling thinking as to what to do, maybe i clean around before decided if i should go to church or not. I tidy up my room first before going for the other rooms which is the kitchen and the lounge. When was the last time i made a dress? but I'll let it slide am busy for that right now. I made myself a simple breakfast and went down to do my laundry and showered and got ready for church. I joined my family and went to church with them am probably staying here for sunday lunch or just a few days until maybe i find something on Waylen. Reflecting my life with todays sermon i must say nothing changed, am not a full Proverbs 31 type of women but i know i am still good. No need to fake all those Amens when talking about a Proverbs 31 women, soon these oldies will start asking my wedding date, am of marriageable age so its pretty obvious that they'll start fishing for something and its annoying. Bothers me if you may ask as to how will they get to heaven with this much gossip, as old as they are, they know each and everyone's business. I try to keep mine private but seems like am failing, some woman asked me if Waylen is the one for me, or we are just passing time. I've only shared just a glimpse of our relationship once on my socials, but seems like everyone knows about everything, they are probably wondering why am i not pregnant just like their daughters with no future.
I ended up spending the whole day at home with my family, even laughed and smiled, after a dreading week of tears and sadness i smiled. I'll should have weed when i get to my apartment just to distress. I drive off to my house jamming to my favorite Michael Jackson singing and clapping. For once i forgot about my boy problems, it came back the momemt i entered my apartment.
The vase he had got me to put my flowers at, on our 5 months anniversary, i use to stuck them next to this huge picture of mine that i framed where am just half naked next to my bed, he said the flowers disturbed his view. Isn't it disturbing to find someone staring at your half naked picture while smiling, but the difference with this someone is that he wasn't just a man he was mine, my peace, my santuary, my home. A home where I'd go to over and over again, without doubt, he showed me the best kind of love there is, in such a short space time. The flowers have gone dry, they've shrinked and turned brown, the stems have become soggy and the petals have turned into ashes, as if it'll cry a mothers cry for her son during apartheid, purely portraying the state of my heart. His absence has made me want him even more.

It will soon be our 8 months anniversary, and it got me thinking will he be around for this day or not, i seem stupid and overreacting for acting this way, which is something i cannot control and fathom out, how could i have fallen for man in just eight months. What do i do with myself now that am bored, he'd take my time, even on my sleep I'd be still busy he'd invade my dreams as him in his normal state and in his glorious state. If i knew that the beast that visited my sleep was him I'd say that he practically lived under my skin, or say inside me in a different body my walls had gone tired of his presence not to mention my bed.
Its been almost a week and a half but if feels like a century, is this love that i feel or just evil from the devil meant to destroy me, and break my soul till i have nothing of kindness in me, but utter hatred for the world.
I sit at the corner of bedroom wrapped in a towel and i realize f*ck I've fallen so deeply and there's no way out of his dark pit called love. He's is hell, a beautiful hell I don't mind get burned in.