idk bro gimme a break

Jayke - IdolxCEO

Jay wanted to be lowkey.

He doesn't want much attention nor he wants people to neglect him. To be normal is what he wants. Growing up in a mansion with loads of money, his childhood was extremely comfortable to say the least. Always aided by his parent's attention, attaining everything he wants, soon he found his lifestyle boring as he reach his teenage years. Yeah he considered the fact 'there are lots of people starving in the streets' shit and how he shouldn't feel burdened as he is living a good life. He isn't here to complaint about being tall while having a size 13 men nikes. However, knowing he is rich and everything, it made his life hard.

Instead of acknowledging him as Park Jongseong, a guy you could hangout with in an internet cafe. He became famous for being the rich kid. It never sat well in his mouth. The dry patch whenever they mention money and how the Park Jongseong could pay for the expenses. It became hard to disguish whether they are genuine about being his friend or he just became their personal piggy bank. They had good days, but mostly, Jay would be pushed to the edge until he feels the obligation to pay. Although he knew his role in their circle, Park Jongseong didn't know what to do. And it's all because his parents are famous for being well-off.

Jay doesn't have anything against his own parents. He loves them. But sometimes he wished they were normal.

Soon, he became used at his current position. He also tried to enjoy them while at it. After a series of trial and error, he realized how detached he is with his current friends. He made an effort to communicate with them but everyone doesn't care. No one cared about him.

It was then Jay realized he hit rock bottom. He realized how alone he is. He would always feel empty by the end of the day. His once cheery smile, became a mask to hide his fears towards his peers. Sad and unhealthy life, all he could do was cry about it in the end of his day. Dramatic but a teenager who's not smart enough and strong enough couldn't stand against the jungle without a protection. Either way they were using each other. Jay for his money and his 'friends' to avoid having a target behind his back. The reality truly suck.

He mutters a breathless 'tch' and leans back in his couch.

It was naive of him to seek for a real friend. More or less, even if he finds other group or people they will do the same extortion these pile of trash does. It will be no different wherever he goes. It became apparent to him that the only way to survive is to suck it up and put on a facade.

Years after, he became a full pledged adult. He didn't have much going on during his college days except for the fact he became consistent on putting his mask. Sometimes he would feel he's being strangled but he endured it. In order to stay normal. The people he was around were the same as the last ones, similar but in different form. However, it wasn't as scary as before.

Then in his 2nd year, he met Jungwon. A first year from the art department and his roommate. Aside from being brutally honest, he learned alot of different things about Jungwon. From his sleeping habits to mannerism. The younger was transparent on who he is and wasn't binded to anyone. He is a free man, living in his own bubble of happiness. In contrast with Jay, the happiness he wanted wasn't given to him by anyone or anything. He felt like an empty shell without a soul. As emo it might sound, nowadays he rarely feels anything. Like how the cold winds of september pass through his skin and bones, a sensation that will only last for a second but disappear as it moves along.

He hated it. But he molded himself to be this person.

He pushed his head towards his hands. He felt incredibly pathetic. To see the young Jungwon live his own life with little problems. If Jay had a better talent, would he attain the things he wanted from the beginning? If he wasn't rich, would everything be better or will he get a taste of hell from those jackass (who probably have some mental illness or severe inferiority complex)? He can't help but to wonder.