Breaking Habits: Redemptions

Chapter 13: Lighter Feelings

Sitting in silence.

That is what Lucas and Erica do, that is what they have been doing for the past hour. Erica leans her back on the side of her bed, Lucas being across from her leaning his back on the wall, both of them sitting on the floor.

Erica can't even remember the last time she has cried like that, and despite how much her head hurts right now she does feel a little more relieved. Even Lucas himself can remember the last time he cried so heavily, it was with Max when he finally opened up about all that he had to endure, and the more he sees himself opening up and letting his feelings be made known the more better he begins to feel.

Even though his head hurts.

"Why are we just sitting here on the floor?" Erica questions after a minute.

Lucas shrugs a little. "Thinking. Even though my ass hurts."

Erica snickers a little, a light smile crossing on her face. "Why did you keep talking to him?"

Lucas looks down a little. "I guess it was the fact that I still wanted to forget everything after it all happened. He was still popular, and I wanted to do everything to make myself forget. He hosted all the parties, knew all the girls, had the popularity....I wanted the same." He admits. "It wasn't right, after what he did to you."

"I get he was grieving, that he was angry because his girlfriend died." Erica says.

"It still doesn't make it right Erica." Lucas says. "He may have apologized but it still doesn't erase the trauma and it still doesn't erase what he did. And I'm sorry that I betrayed you like that."

Erica nods her head. "It did hurt me Lucas, I did."

"I never considered you, and I'm sorry for that Erica." Lucas admits. "For these past three years, ever since I got out of coma I have been thinking about nothing but myself, nothing. And now I'm realizing that you all went through trauma just like me, but especially you Erica."

"You did too Lucas." Erica comments. "Out of all of us you and Eleven have been through the most."

"This isn't about me." Lucas shakes his head. "I'm asking about you."

Erica sighs a little, her eyes closing and her leaning her head back on the bed spring. "I don't know Lucas."

"Do you still have nightmares?" He questions. "I do."

Erica nods. "Yeah but they're not as often as they use to be." She admits, leaning her head back up and looking aimlessly ahead of her. "It's always you....going away then....watching you in a hospital bed not responding to us for eight total months. It was a nightmare Lucas, an actual nightmare I was living and couldn't wake up from. For all of us."

Lucas nods his head, him closing his eyes briefly. "I'm sorry."

"It's not an apology Lucas that I want." Erica rubs her eyes a little. "Even though you're a total nerd and dip wad....I just want my brother back."

Lucas nods his head in understanding. "I know I said before I would change and that never happened clearly and I know you're tired of hearing that. I'll show you and everyone I'm going to change."

"For the first time in a long time I see it Lucas." Erica looks at him. "You are working towards that change, because you are opening up." Erica says. "I heard you downstairs with mom and dad...I'm sorry you had to go through so much in jail."

"You're making this about me again." Lucas says with a light smile. "This is about you Erica."

Erica shrugs her shoulders a little. "I do talk to mom and dad about it a little....but I guess I just....it never really helped." She admits. "Not saying that they haven't helped me and they aren't doing anything for me because they are....I just...."