Had I known How to Save a Life

Almost Halfway There

Chapter 16
*Meredith POV*

It's been a week since Derek and I found out the gender of our baby. We can't decide over names. He likes one name I like the other. That's the kind of cycle we have going right now. But we still have some time to decide all that. I'm almost halfway there with my pregnancy. I kind of wish I could get to the end now.

I get out of bed to make breakfast for my kids while Derek is showering. He wanted me to join him but, I don't like being naked in front of him when I'm all big and pregnant. I'm not even huge yet and I still don't like it. "Zola, Bailey, your cereal is ready!" I use a fake-child motivational voice.

Derek gets out of the shower and joins us for breakfast. We rarely have time like this but I don't have to leave for another 10 minutes and he doesn't have surgery till 8. "I can a bring the kids to daycare today," he says

"Oh thank God. I gotta run, I'll see you later Derek." I say and kiss him goodbye.

When I get into work I have to find bigger scrubs. I hate this. Almost halfway there, almost halfway there, almost halfway there. I remind myself.

I find Edwards because she's my resident. We start going on rounds. "Mr. Ball, age 26, exploratory laparotomy, here today for a biopsy of a tumor on his pancreas." Edwards says.

"Please, call me David. This tumor thing, it's not cancer right?" He asks, he's young so I think he might be scared that he has cancer.

"We don't know that yet. When we get the biopsy results we will find out whether or not the tumor is malignant or benign." Dr. Edwards tells him.

She's good with patient care, she reassures the patient while giving them the facts. Hopefully she won't mess up.

Once we leave I tell her she did a good job in there. I know that residency is frightening it's the "best and worst years of your life" as Richard once told us. So I've decided that I should tell the residents they're doing good when they do good and if they need help that they need help.

I go to the attendings lounge because, well I'm bored. My resident is running the labs and is going to page me when they're all done. All my other rounds are done. So I sit. It's not very often I get quiet time anymore. Although, my daughter insists on kicking me so I just sit and rest.

April walks in too, "Hey April," I say.

"Hey Meredith, how's the little one doing?" She asks.

"Eh she insists on kicking so I'm just resting." I tell her.

"You're having a girl!" She says excitedly. I guess I forgot to tell her.

"Yeah, we still haven't decided on a name yet. I like Amanda, he likes Alexandra." I say. Kind of venting but I need it. I feel bad for April because her and Jackson lost their baby and she was really excited about having a baby.

We sit and talk for a while until Edwards pages me.

"See you later April." I tell her.

We get into surgery and I can immediately tell, just by the way this feels that it's malignant. But I won't know for sure until I get the biopsy results.

I close up. The procedure wasn't long. I wait for the results to come back and for David to wake up.

Edwards walks up to me and hands me to results. "Dr. Grey, it's cancer. Should we go tell him?" She asks. Well no shit we have to tell him. But I know what she meant.

"Poor thing. He's 26. I can tell him you can go to the Pitt, see if there's anything surgical." I begin to say. "OW!" I groan. Baby kicked really hard.

"Dr. Grey are you okay?" She asks concerned.

"No, I'm not okay. I have a baby in my uterus that won't stop kicking. I pee when I sneeze, my feet are sausages, and I'm not even half way through." I totally just let all my problems off on her. I feel bad. Stupid ass hormones.

"Dr. Grey, you should rest. I can tell the patient the results." She says.

"Thank you." I tell her.

I stand near nurses station just to see how she does it.

She stands at the end of his bed. "David, we got your results back. I'm so sorry the tumor is malignant. The good thing is that with chemo and surgery we believe we can get the whole thing." She says.

"Am I going to die? I know that all you doctors say that with chemo and surgery everything will be fine. But what if everything isn't okay?" He asks.

"Well, cancer is cancer. Surgery is surgery. It has risks. I can't promise you that we will get it all, but I can promise that we are going to do everything in our power to try and get it all." She tells him. He thanks her and she leaves.

I go on the rest of my day with a couple more surgeries. Only one death. So I had a lucky day.

I change out of my scrubs. And begin to leave when I see an old patient of mine. Nicole, the 15 year old amputee. I did a splenectomy on her.

"Dr. Grey, hi. I just wanted to come see all the doctors who operated on me and to thank them." She says.

"Of course, no problem. How is everything going?" I ask her.

"I've had ups and downs. Phantom limb has been horrid. But I got this prosthetic. And they say I'm going to make a full recovery. Well, at least as much as I can do with a prosthetic. So I'm basically almost halfway there. I just began jogging again so I'm getting there." She says.

"That's great. That's really good. I'm heading home for the night, but I believe Dr. Torres, Avery, and Shepherd are still hanging around somewhere." I tell her.

Derek comes home later and we begin to go on about baby names again. "I do like Alexandra, naming her after Lexie." He says.

"Yeah, but I've been thinking...what about Ellis?" Naming her after my mom.

"Ellis? I like it. As long as it's Ellis Alexandra Shepherd." He tells me and he smiles.

"Hi there, Ellis Alexandra Shepherd. I'm your daddy. And I can't wait to meet you." He whispers and kisses my belly.

Life gets hard. We set goals. And we we work our asses off to reach them. And when they get hard, no matter how far you are. Even if you're "almost halfway there", we need to remember why you set that goal.