Had I known How to Save a Life

Without You

Chapter 19
*Meredith POV*

Derek has been acting strange lately. I walked in on him in an on call room yesterday, he was on the phone. He quickly hung up. He's just been on edge. I'm not sure why. I don't think he's cheating on me. I mean, Derek's not the guy that would cheat on his pregnant wife....is he? No, no he's not. I'm just blowing this out of proportion.

I need to get it together. Focus. I'm at work. I have surgeries and everything else.

My patient is a 19 year old female who need a liver transplant. She's been waiting 3 years for this liver. I hope it works.

I'm about to go get the organ. First I need to tell the family.

"Hi, Rebecca, we found a liver for you in Portland. I'll be doing the organ retrieval myself. So I'll be heading there in about 20 minutes." I tell them.

"Okay, great. I hope this one works out. The last 2 haven't." She says. I feel really bad for her.

"Don't worry babe, it will. Just have some faith." Says, who I assume is yet boyfriend.

"Jason, that's what you said the last time." She says.

"And I'm saying it this time too." Jason says. Young love is cute.

"Babe you don't have to stay for this. I can call you when I get out." She says.

"I'm good right here. I'm not going anywhere with out you." He says.

"Well, we'll be back in a few ours. I'm very confident this liver is the one." I tell them.

I get on a small plane. It begins to make my heart beat a little harder. But I need to remind my self everything will be okay. Wilson is tagging along because she's interested in general surgery.

In the beginning of the flight, we don't talk very much. She looks like she wants to say something. But she doesn't.

"Spit it out. You've been looking at me, then looking at the ground. So what is it?" I break the silence.

"Oh..well..I've been thinking lately. About Alex and I's future. And I've been wanting to ask him about kids. I mean not having them right now...but I don't know, in the future. But then again, I didn't have much of a mom so I'd be a terrible one. And bad things seem to always be happening." She says.

"I didn't have much of a mom either. She was there but she wasn't. Derek always wanted kids. But I didn't know that I wanted them until I got pregnant." I begin to tell her. I might have to elaborate a little considering I have two kids right now and a third on the way.

"A few years ago, the first time I was pregnant. I had miscarriage. We weren't even trying, but it happened. I didn't even know, I really wanted kids until I lost one. So after trying with no success, we adopted Zola. Then after the plane crash, I was pregnant with Bailey. And the day of Derek's crash I found out I was pregnant with this one." I tell her.

"Oh, wow. H-how are you okay? I mean you look okay, so I assume you're okay...but how are you okay after everything?" She asks.

"As many good things have happened as bad. So you accept the dark and twistyness. You move past it. And let the bright and shininess come through." I tell her.

She looks stunned by everything. "The point is, we only have the now. So if you're gonna do something. Do it now." I finish with my life lecture.

We finally get to Portland and this liver seems to be perfect.

We are in and out quickly. We get back to the hospital and Rebecca is in the OR prepped and ready. The transplant seems to be perfect as well. But it's not pink yet.

"Dr. Grey, is she rejecting the liver?" Wilson asks.

"Yeah. I think so. Dammit!" I say.

"Let's see if there's any other donors. I don't want this girl to wake up with out a knew liver." I say.

I go to the waiting room to talk to her boyfriend. "Jason. Her body is rejecting the liver. We have UNOS on the phone to see about getting a new one." I tell him.

"Take mine! I'll give her my liver. I'm pretty sure we're the same blood type. I don't drink, I don't smoke. It should be healthy right?" He says. He must really care about her.

"Oh, well...okay. Let's run some tests." I say.

Jason ends being a perfect match. This girl is very lucky to have someone that loves her that much.

I go to visit them in recovery. "Rebecca, you initially rejected the liver. And when I told Jason. He volunteered to donate his."

"He did what?! Oh my God. I thought he stayed with me because he pitied me because I needed a liver. W-where is he?" She says.

"He's in recovery. You both should get some rest." I say.

I'm not on-call so I go home. When I walk through the door, Derek is on the phone again. Having secret phone calls he won't tell me about.

He doesn't know I just walked in...so I begin to eavesdrop.

"Listen to me please, I appreciate the offer. I'm grateful of all neurosurgeons in the country, you want me for this. But last time I was flying to DC, I almost died. I have a pregnant wife and 2 kids. I'm sorry but I'm not going to be part of your brain mapping project." He says. He hangs up the phone and sees that I've been here the whole time.

"You heard all of that?" He asks.

"Your end rant, yes." I tell him.

"I'm not going. I don't want to. I don't want to be anywhere, where you aren't. My life there, without you; it was miserable. All I had was my lab. I had no one to come home to. No one to wake up to." He tells me.

"You could've just told me and not be so secretive." I tell him.

"I know. I just didn't want there to be a fight." He says.

I smile and crawl into bed. And he crawls in with me.

*Jo POV*

I think about what Meredith was saying. About how she didn't even know she wanted kids till she lost one. My heart is beating out of my chest. I mean, we're still newly weds basically. We've only been married a few months. But I'm just going to ask. Okay. Let's do this.

Alex walks into bed. "You've got something on your mind." He says.

"Yeah." I say.

"Tell me."

"I wanted to know if you ever thought about kids. Not like just thinking about random kids. But having them..." I say.

"Of course." He says.

"Well..um..what do you think about having kids?" I ask nervously.

"I think that, one day. Not right now. But one day. You and I are going to have a few Little Karevs running around the hospital." He tells me. My heart rests. Thank God he's thought about it too.

I laugh. "A few?"

"Well, yeah. If we have a little Alex running around, he'll need a little Jo to take care of." He says.

Look around at what you have. Appreciate it. Even if it's not much. Even if it's not enough. It's what you've got. And it could all be gone tomorrow. Just look around. And think about today. Tomorrow is too far away.

Author Note:

I felt there needed to be some more Jolex going on. If you have any suggestions please feel free to comment. If you have any thoughts feel free to comment. I've decided I want to include more detail about the other characters. So stay tuned!

-Erin :)